Ode To the New Stain On Your Rug
-a not-so-sonnet by Dustin Fisher
I puked on your rug. That’s right. I’ll admit it.
And I’m almost actually glad that I did it.
It taught me a lesson to which all should adhere
Of the difference between bad vodka and beer.
Beer can be drank with reckless abandon.
Bad vodka will seldom leave a skinny boy standin’.
Go look in the cabinet. I hadly drank any.
I’m a wus and I know it, but I left you guys plenty.
Though I’m mostly to blame and I will take the fall,
Those drinking “games” likely did not help at all.
You guys wouldn’t let up, not one little bit.
You’re all little vindictive pieces of shit.
Tell Justin and Kristen and Angie that too.
And that one chick Amanda that I hardly knew.
That’s another bad thing about drinking too much.
It’s harder to pick up on women and such.
I’ll never get laid with my puke on the ground.
Thank God they’ve all already once turned me down.
Well, I should get going, I’ve got stuff to do.
And I’m hungover and possibly still drunk too.
But please heed these words from a corn puke survivor,
I’m going back to beer, man. Fuck the screwdriver!