The Raven 2001

The Raven 2001
Hey everybody. I spent a long time on this and I really like it. Probably better than last year’s Ode To the Stain On Your New Rug. Anyway, if you like this and feel like forwarding it on to anybody else you know, I’d consider it a compliment. Thanks a ton.


The (new) Raven
-as adapted by Dustin Fisher

Once upon a long off season, Ravens fans were given reason
To sit in the bleachers freezin, spilling nachos on the floor –
For Ray Lewis was aquitted, Sharpe and Coates were then admitted,
All the pieces neatly fitted, shaped to form an inner core.
So the pieces came together forming thence a champion core.
“Praise the Lord” quoth Baltimore.

But I recall in the beginning, ‘fore the Ravens started winning,
Twere not many fans a-grinning for a team which could not score.
It’s already been three games, and still the touchdown drought remains.
The city started pointing blames; they could not take this anymore.
“Surely we can fix this problem and thence rise again once more.”
And so speaketh Baltimore.

With the offense all disjointed, Banks – the scapegoat – was appointed,
“Lynch him! Lynch him! He’s the one! Thence we shall rise again once more.”
Then they turned to this Dilfer guy and gave his head and arm a try.
The city loved him for he’d cry; he’d cry and we’d not know what for.
Maybe twas his second chance at Tampa he was longing for.
We’d speculate, but never sure.

Then week ten had come around, the team not looking playoff bound,
For still the end zone was not found; they hadn’t seen it since week four.
Then, a play I’d not believe, a pass which Stokely did recieve,
And searching for his team’s reprieve, dove to the pilon for the score.
The city cheered unlikely heros, for the Ravens found a score.
Quoth the city “We want more.”

Touchdowns started freely flowing, and now with the offense going,
This whole city started glowing; something special was in store.
Then the Ravens spoke their credos: “Who out there thinks they can beat us?
“Who among you will defeat us? This, of you, we do implore!
“Is there any better football team among us? We implore!”
Quoth the Ravens “Nevermore.”

Cincinnati took a shot, the Chargers might as well have not,
And though Dallas came in hot, they went home without having scored.
Many teams would think they’re ready, holding to their game plan steady,
But not even mighty Eddie put a C-note on the board.
Corey, Fred and even Eddie still fell short on the scoreboard.
Quoth the Ravens “This is war!”

Then the regular season ended, but the Ravens’ was extended.
All vacations were suspended, playoffs knocked upon their door.
First the Broncos were impaled, the Mighty Titans fell and failed,
The Raiders, they jumped ship and bailed for them there pirates lost the war.
Even armed with Gannon’s cannons, still the Raiders lost the war.
Quoth the Ravens “Never score.”

And so they made it to the dance, though no reporter gave them chance
Except that prophet Sterling Sharpe, whose bald head we all still adore.
Still, these birds had made a science out of hands-down odds defiance,
A position which the Giants likened with from weeks before.
Both the Ravens and the Giants, underdogs in weeks before.
Quoth the Ravens “Nevermore.”

So with this game’s obvious pretense of both teams now preaching defense,
Twas to be a Superbowl to which reporters called a bore.
Most had thought they’d come out mellow; some, I’ll bet, saw them as yellow.
But hey! There’s that Stokely fellow granting them an early score.
Brandon Stokely once again would give the birds a needed score.
Quoth the Ravens “Nevermore.”

Then New York began to stumble, still the Ravens would not crumble.
That record-setting defense got four picks and would not heed a score.
Shannon Sharpe would say he knew it – Kerry Collins claims he blew it –
Marvin Lewis, cool all through it, breathed a sigh he’d not before.
All the city cheered a cheer they’d never got to cheer before.
Cheered the Ravens “Nevermore.”

Ray got MVP as planned, though Dilfer went to Disneyland,
And all the fans would storm the streets from Fells Point to the Harbor shore.
Last year’s memories hath faded, Raven fans were too elated
For now Billick celebrated “Finally, we won the war!”
Finally the nation realized what these ominous birds of war
Meant in croaking “Nevermore.”

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