5. “Yes, I had like three beers officer, but I drank them so fast I doubted I’m even drunk yet.”

4. “I know I was speeding but I was thinking that as drunk as I am, I should probably get off the road as fast as possible.”

3. “Yeah, I’m probably drunk, but at least I’m not texting.”

2. “Well officer, I thought I’d take the highway because there’s a lot more margin of error than there is on the back roads.”

1. “Well I didn’t want to drive home drunk but I couldn’t think of a better way to get my car back home.”

Please feel free to add your own. You needn’t disclose whether or not you’ve actually tried them.