I know Christmas or whichever equivalent holiday that you celebrate, whether it’s a made up one or not, is a distant memory by now and you’ve either gone back to work or school or if you’re lucky, neither. But I still have a few holiday-related stories to share, and for those of you that don’t know, I like to live in the past. I was born two weeks late and I really never caught up. Oh, and I apparently am taking the night off of sleep. I’m getting back into this incredibly annoying, however productive habit of sleeping every other night. This is evidently the one where I don’t sleep.
My Aunt Karen got wind of the fact that I was looking for clothes this year that would make me look cool. It looks like at least somebody on this list reads the text body. It’s cool. I know most of you don’t. I love having conversations like the one I had with Leah about how I went a whole year without drinking soda.
“You’re on the quote of the day list, aren’t you?”
“You don’t read the damn thing at all, do you?”
“Well, it’s not…” – Don’t bother, I know how that sentence ends.
Boy, this message lost its focus a while back. If this is the first one you’ve read in a while, I swear they get better. So Aunt Karen made it a mission of some sort to find clothes that would make me look cool. This would prove to be a learning experience for her. She at least had the benefit of low expectations as far as her fashion sense. I have no real excuse. She could and did walk up to random young people who I assume she thought looked hip enough (which is a subplot I may get into later) and asked them what people about 4-7 years younger than me wore these days. She was hit with a barrage of rules and guidelines that I really wish she had written down. Ripped and worn clothes are in. Let them see the shirts you’re wearing underneath your shirt. Nothing with seams. Wear long underwear on under your other clothes. She basically described Bill’s wardrobe. If I’m gonna hang out with him and wear the same exact clothes, I’m gonna need to hit the gym everyday for the next 4 months. Speaking of which, she asked this guy to try some of this stuff on since he looked approximately like my size. After seeing his abs, she asked him to try on some more stuff and used him as a kind of personal model for as long as she could. I’m going to try to use that strategy next year when shopping for lingerie. And bath soaps. So Aunt Karen started to attract crowds of people all trying their hardest to find clothes for this wannabe hip guy they never met. I don’t even know if these people worked at the store. It was great to hear about the Christmas spirit that manifested itself in the desperate attempts of a college graduate to fit in with the cool crowd. And God forbid I try to take this stuff back and these people actually meet me. “Oh, this guy? How about a Phil Collins shirt and a pastel colored blazer?” Well, my aunt stepped away from her posse for a moment to check with my sister about something…
“I’m here in… Aerospace.”
I think she meant Aeropostle, but I’m sure it seemed the same at the time.
Seamless in Cincinatti.
Still Standing Right Here…