There’s a song by Winger called “Seventeen” that has always been one of my guilty pleasures. Only it used to be a guilty pleasure because it was by one of those one-hit wonder hair bands from the 80s. Named “Winger.” But now I feel guilty for a much dirtier reason with possible legal implications. The flagship line in the song goes “She’s only sevvvennn-teeeeeeeen… Daddy says she’s too young, but she’s old enough for me.” When the time comes, I will belt that line out from the depths of my diaphragm. This was starting to get weird when I was still singing this in my late 20s (Ed note: Please do not use late 20s Dustin as your moral compass. The needle always points the same way). But now I’m 35. I have a lot of friends with daughters. None of them can even see seventeen from their stroller just yet, but they exist and will likely be seventeen someday. My question is severalfold. First, am I allowed to secretly enjoy that song knowing these children amidst their rapid ascent to seventeenhood? And if so, do I need to stop liking it? And when? Additionally, is it already bad that I know all the words to it and I’m 35? And does it help or hurt that I can sing “It’s Rainin Men” with surprising accuracy and pitch? (Ed note: That never helps. Stop asking)

Still Standing Right Here…