I know not everybody celebrates the same late December holiday, but some people get upset if you great them improperly. Need proof? Try saying “Merry Giftmas” to a nun. Or “Happy Chaka Khan” to a Rabbi. Or “Seasons Greetings” to anyone. For this reason, I’ve decided to forgo sending Christmas Giftmas Holiday cards this year. Instead, I’ve created 13 different versions of our Holiday card for everyone. Hopefully. Please print out your card of choice and send me the bill for the photo paper and ink. Thanks and I hope you all enjoy your… whatever you want to call it.
For the traditional Christian and everyone else without religious affiliation who still wants a fat man in a red suit to bring them stuff.
For my two Jewish friends.
For the unlucky googler who typed the word “Kwanzaa” into their search bar and hit “Get Lucky.”
For people going to a work party.
For the people who think they’re being clever, but are really offending all real traditional Christians.
For the Jewish people with a sense of humor and all funk lovers around the world.
For people trying to be clever but slightly less offensive.
For the procrastinators.
For those who don’t want to celebrate anything.
For my ex-girlfriends.
For the SERIOUS procrastinators.
You know who you are.
For those who don’t want to be oppressed by words.
Please let me know if I missed anyone out there. I’d hate to think that there was someone who had a frame all picked out or a refrigerator with an empty 4×6 rectangular space who just couldn’t find the Dustin, Jenn and Mabel Holiday card for them. Write-ins are welcome. Thanks and enjoy whatever the hell you want to enjoy whenever you want to enjoy it.