Giftmas Shopping Timeline: The Seventh Day of Giftmas 2011
Dec 25 – Jan 4: Damnit! A [name of awesome gift] would have been perfect for [person]! Much better than that stupid gift card. Thankfully, [person] only got me [thoughtless gift] this year anyway. I have to remember to get [name of awesome gift] for [person] next year.
Jan 5 – Feb 14: Holy crap I/we spent a lot of money on Giftmas this year! I/We need to plan ahead next year to find some good deals/make shit out of stuff around the house. Maybe I’ll bake those snowball cookies next year. They’re cute and cheap and Giftmassy .
Feb 15 – Oct 31: We should have Giftmas more than once a year. Why do we as a society have to be pigeon-holed into only one day a year to give gifts to people? We would be better off as a human race if we could just have that kind of giving spirit year round. And we could have another office party. Maybe I would get Alison for my Secret Santa this time. And maybe she’d stay for more than one drink this time since there wouldn’t be any other Giftmas parties to get to. I wonder if she’s serious with that motorcycle guy. I’ll bet she’s not. I need to find one of those mistletoe hats.
Nov 1 – Thanksgiving: Alright, Giftmastime is almost here! I should probably order that [name of awesome gift] for [person] now to beat the rush so I don’t have to worry about it. And I’m going to make my list of people I need to get stuff for tomorrow at work. Sweet. I can’t wait.
Black Friday: No way in hell am I going to the mall today! I’ll start my shopping tomorrow.
Black Saturday – Dec 5: You know what? Screw it. I’m doing everything online this year. Make it easy on myself. I don’t need to get stuck with all those unprepared plebeians out in the world. I can do this from my office while my boss thinks I’m doing work anyway. Except for that [office/random social group] party next Saturday. It wouldn’t get here in time. Shoot. Oh well. I just need to get on making that list.
Dec 6 – Dec 17: What the hell happened! Stupid, stupid work! Damnit. Now I have to go out with the plebeians. I hate malls, HATE THEM! I guess I don’t really need to get stuff for [random old friends/family that won’t be in town/both parties of a couple I only sort of like]. And who the hell mails out their Giftmas cards this early? How have I already gotten like 7 of them? As long as I get mine out by the end of the week. Shit! I never got the damn mistletoe hat!
Dec 18 – Dec 23: How hard is it to remember to buy stamps? Holy Fucking Ass! No way these cards are going to get to anybody on time. As long as they’re postmarked by Giftmas, I guess. Like taxes. And the hell with that [name of awesome gift] for [person]. Let’s just get this over with. I should have made a list of people I needed to shop for a month ago. Looks like Target gift cards for everybody again.
Dec 24: Aunt [name of aunt you see once a year]! How do I forget her every year?! Ugh. I hope she likes the $10 Starbucks gift card I got from Alison and that scary tattoo guy from the office party.
Dec 25: Merry Fucking Giftmas. I hate the damn holidays. Why don’t we all just get ourselves something and skip the middle man? I’m starting my shopping tomorrow for next Giftmas.