We Will Get Fooled Again

Hey everybody. April Fools Day came and went once again, and this year, I didn’t even get to do anything cool at all. This is the first year that yours truly, fun-loving somewhat mental prankster that I am, hasn’t done anything at all. I have here a summation of everything I’ve done in the past 24 years of my life:

4/1/75 Pretended I had poop in my diaper, but I really didn’t.
4/1/76 Loosened a few screws in the stairwell so my mom would fall through it to the basement.
4/1/77 Hid my newborn sister in he attic for 3 days.
4/1/78 Got my uncle to do calculus problems and convinced Miss Cherry I did them myself.
4/1/79 Convinced my dad that I got my girlfriend pregnant.
4/1/80 Threw a rock through my parent’s window with a note attached saying “we have your son” and hid for a week.
4/1/81 Wrecked the car and blamed it on Uncle Mark.
4/1/82 Filled our water bottle in the fridge with hydrochloric acid.
3/31/83 Tried to convince everybody it was April first.
4/1/84 Pretended I had poop in my pants, but I really didn’t.
4/1/85 Made a toy Delorian and went back to 1955.
4/1/86 Unscrewed the lid of the saltshaker.
4/1/87 Freed 167 cows into the wild.
4/1/88 Left a note telling my parents I was moving to Reno with my bookie and hid in the car in a parking lot up the street for three days.
4/1/89 Shot my English teacher in the leg with a rifle.
4/1/90 Shoved some tissues in a bra and told everybody I had a sex change (that one went over surprisingly well).
4/1/91 Showed my dad fake pictures of my mom cheating on him.
4/1/92 Put glue on everybody’s seat in French class and set fire to the room.
4/1/93 Got David Copperfield to make our entire high school disappear.
4/2/94 Got him to make it appear again.
4/1/95 Drugged my roommate, stripped him naked, borrowed my friend’s hamster, took some pictures, and put them on the internet.
4/1/96 Started dating Suzanne (guess the joke’s on me (just kidding Suz))
5/13/97 Duct taped Billy to the bed during the night (and boy did I catch him off guard!).
4/1/98 Disassembled all the parts of my suitemate’s car and reassembled them in his dorm room.
4/1/99 Threatened with not having anything to do, I kicked Russ in the nuts in his sleep.

So this year was a rather disappointing one for the prankster in me. There’s only so much joy one can get from kicking Russ in the nuts that many times. And to top it all off, it took me about a whole week to think of all those things. So now I’m late. Oh well. Here’s the quote:

Quote Of the Day 4/1/99

“A friend gave me your email address. I don’t know much about you. Dude, I gotta tell ya, I think your fuckin hot. And I’m guy. It’s cool, I’m into guys and girls. And I don’t know if you are at all into guys…”

-anadmirer@nightmail.com

Now this message, I’m not kidding about. And I wish I were. I sincerely hope this was one of you having fun with a fake e-mail address. I’ve already ruled out Evil Joe because all the words make sense when read one after another. He went on to tell me how “damn good-looking” I am, which was somewhat flattering, but I still hope it was a joke from somebody. I wrote him back and asked if he had an older sister.

Straight and not at all kidding,

adisgustedheterosexual@nightmail.com

Still Standing Right Here…

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