You guys know what I’ve been doing recently? I’ve been actually consciously thinking about the meaning of the clichés that everybody, including myself, uses in daily speech. Most of them are quite stupid. I’ve compiled a list of what I feel are some of the stupidest common sayings that I’ve ever heard:
“The ball is in your court”
This is said when you make some sort of move that takes the burden of needing to do something to further the situation off of your shoulders and puts it on someone else’s. In other words, it is their turn. My problem with this cliché is that I don’t know what it is in reference to. I assume that the presence of a ball and a court makes some sort of analogy to a sport. But I don’t know which one. What sport is played on two courts? I’m guessing whoever said this first was trying to make an allusion to volleyball or tennis, but was unaware that the two sides of the net were actually the same court. In my book, if you’re on a different court, you’re playing a different game. Recommendation: Change it to “The ball’s on your side,” or “Your move,” or “Here. Take this.”
“When it rains, it pours”
No it doesn’t. If every time it rained, it poured, we’d have no basis for comparison between the two words, thus eliminating one of them from the English language entirely. Sometimes it rains, sometimes it pours. Recommendation: Change it to “Damn, it’s pouring,” or “Wow! Won’t you look at that rain coming down out there,” or “Hell’s bells! Ethel, go get the umbrelly, it’s a rainin’ like the Dickens out here.”
Let’s think about how that phrase originated. Were there just a bunch of guys who needed to be somewhere one day, but choose to pass gas with each other instead? “Hey Earl, weren’t you supposed to go to that bridge game with your wife?” “Yep. Pass the chili.” Recommendation: Use the term “fucking around.” At least I could better understand where that one came from. If you have a hang-up about cursing, “screwing around” will suffice.
Enough of that. I need to sleep sometime tonight. Mr. Geoff (camp director) and Miss Jeanie (secretary) were bickering about something trivial, when Jeanie’s mom, who is a secretary upstairs, came down and made some smart ass comment to the effect of how they needed to get along better. She then proceeded to say “Well, at least it’s cute how you guys wear the same clothes (they had the same day camp shirt on today). To this, they continued…
Miss Jeanie: “Yeah, Geoff. What are you wearing tomorrow?”
Mr. Geoff: “I was thinking about a low-cut sun dress. Is that good for you?”
Little does he know I still have his matching pumps from last Friday.
Just farting around,
Still Standing Right Here…