Whole People

Whole People

Remember that pesky bacterial strep I told you guys about before? Well, it’s probably not strep, but it’s definitely bacterial (refer again to my medical background to figure out whether you want to believe it or not). It’s having more fun than strep throat. I thought I was over it before when I had a badly sore throat and then had way funky stomach problems for a day. But I wasn’t. Actually, I went through the same exact cycle last week, after I thought I had shed it. It’s currently on its third lap. I think I’m gonna need to break down and get some antibiotics. I’ve been drinking water like it’s the medical equivalent of duct tape to an amateur maintenance assistant. “Oh, I’ll be fine if I just drink enough water.” I drank a pint of water every 10 minutes for 2 hours before I went to bed a few weeks ago. I had to get up twice during the night to piss, and I still wet my bed afterward.

But enough about my bowel movements, let’s talk about economics. Tony, in case you didn’t know yet, has the job of “bank examiner.” This entails a lot of exciting stuff, like, well, I don’t exactly understand what. “So, Tony, what did you do at work today?” “Uh, well… we… you wouldn’t understand. Let’s play worms.” And that’s fine. I think everybody knows how to play Octopus Tag, so I don’t need to explain my typical day either. But he did share one thing with me because he had to share it with somebody, and at the risk of sounding egotistical, I think Tony would be hard pressed to find anybody else nearby who understood what he did on a daily basis. I was just in the car at the time. So anyway, he had a job in which he had to total up numbers for a certain bank in all these different categories, such as “# of local ATM machines,” “# of loans over $5000,” and boring bank type stuff like that. Well, he thought one of the categories was so funny (for an accountant thing), that he wrote it down word for word, and showed it to me…

Quote of the Day 8/9/99

“Number of full-time equivalent employees at end of current period (round to nearest whole number)”

-Some bank examining thing

So what constitutes a non-whole number employee? Severed limbs? Below average height? General incompetence?

Running around my gerbil wheel,

#4,362.836

Still Standing Right Here…

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