Well, I know it’s been a while, but I have got a big little bit of news for y’all. I’ll start by saying that it’s going to make my parking situation a whole lot harder. Among other things. Anyway, I guess when push comes to shove, it was only just a matter of time when it comes to my body, but I finally did it. The mother of all leg injuries. ACL? MCL? DSL? Broken leg? Severed patella? Hyperextended big toe? Not even close. Anyway, I ruptured my Achilles tendon. Completely. Like they told me to save my money on an MRI because it was all the way gone. This actually happened 2 weeks ago and I just underwent surgery yesterday, but I was too busy trying to catch up on all the latest Survivor news, I didn’t get a chance to e-mail you all. So anyway, this has greatly increased my need to get my car fixed. I can’t just be parking off in the middle of nowhere (especially with all the kids coming back to school), and crutching a mile and a half to work and back. I’d get handicap tags, but I wouldn’t be able to back out of the spot anyway. And I can’t just open my door and push with my left foot anymore, being as how I, for all intents and purposes, don’t have one for another 4-6 months. This process is actually probably how it happened in the first place. Moral of the story? Don’t go pushing Oldsmobiles with just your left foot. Or any cars for that matter. And I’m a little concerned about my other Achilles too. I remember when one headlight in my car went out, the other died within a week. I hope the human body is designed by people more competent than Good Joe (no offense, but I like to hope I’m more than built Ford tough).
So how’d it happen? Was I saving small children from a burning building? Was I shaving my legs with a machete? Did I lose a bet? None of the above. I actually did it jumping in the air. Something I’ve done an estimated 27 billion times before. I didn’t land wrong, I didn’t get kicked. Just jump, pop, ouch, bye bye tendon. And everybody I talked to about my injury said that this type of injury was more common to 35-40 yr old men, and I was possibly the youngest person some of the doctors have ever first-hand seen with this injury. So what it takes normal human beings at least 35-40 years to wear out, I’ve managed to get done in only 25 short years. Damn, I’m efficient.
Well, anyway, I should get going. I can actually see my pulse beating in my second toe. When this first happened, I called lots of people to brag about my newest career-sidelining injury. Among the people most impressed was Mike. I was telling him that I was tight because I had played 4 basketball games in a row without stop and my calf muscle was just so tight that when I jumped up in the air one time, the tension was just so much, it popped in half. I actually heard the pop. To this, Mike butted into the conversation…
“By the way, I’m stretching right now. I’m not going anywhere or doing anything anytime today. I’m not even planning on leaving the couch for a few hours. But I’m still stretching.”
Oddly enough, Mike threw out his shoulder later on that day watching Welcome Back, Kotter.
Ole One Leg.
Not standing anywhere for 4-6 months…