There are a lot of things that suck about crutches. A lot of people complain a lot about their arm pits chaffing and wrists getting sore. These things didn’t really bother me so much. I actually learned a few tricks on the things to aid in my failed quest to get some sympathy bootie. But one day I needed to get a basketball from my car into my apartment. I stared at the problem for about 5 minutes before I realized that there was no real solution. Not at least given the variables I was given at the time. That’s the bitch about needing to walk with your hands. You can’t carry things. Like basketballs. And ravioli.
A little while ago, I was attempting to go to a party after volleyball practice. Figuring I wouldn’t have time to go all the way home and shower, I told everybody and had pretty much decided on my own that I could just take a shower in the RAC at school and head over to her place. Everybody had left practice and I was ready to set the plan in motion when I grabbed a towel and began to crutch into the locker room and remembered I couldn’t shower yet. I lacked the ability to stand and had to bathe in order to cleanse myself, and such facilities were not available in the RAC. Cleansing oneself is another shitty thing about crutches. Having realized my error, I drove back home very annoyed, and still quite dirty. I never made it to the party, but I got myself all cleaned up for it.
About a week later, I felt confident enough to try to shower for the first time since the stupid game. Russ was home, so I warned him I was about to try this normally uneventful everyday task. I told him not to take too lightly any violent slipping and falling noises coming from the bathroom. He nodded and understood. I then told him that there was a very huge likelihood that I would be naked, which is about when he cut in…
“…I’ll call somebody.”
Honestly, the choice between a gruesome bloody death and having Russ see my exposed privates is not an easy one to make. So I gave him a list in order of preference of people I want him to call just in case. Does anybody know Britney Spears’ cell number?
Naked and standing upright,
Starting to Still Stand Right Here Again…