Well, I’ve finally reached the point where I need to get this off of my chest. I had to do something no man should ever have to do in his own home last Monday. I actually had to watch football on the dryer. Has it gotten that bad now? Wrestling has claimed the lives of so many of my close friends. It’s sad. And it’s not just people like Russ. There are these allegedly intelligent people who refuse to go out or away from a TV with wrestling on it. They all jump up and root for their favorite wrestlers (which in this case usually means they have the coolest theme music) like it’s a sport. First of all, it’s not a sport. If I can get the results of the match on the internet days before it occurs, it’s not a sport. It’s a soap opera combined with a well choreographed dance routine. Obviously, when people hit the mat hard, they actually do hit the mat hard. I don’t deny that it’s a physical activity, much in the same way rhythm gymnastics is a physical activity. The counterargument to that is that there are also times in which they fall for no reason. You don’t see too much of that in football unless you’re watching the Redskins. (OK, now I’m just hitting below the belt). So if you don’t mind telling people you’re watching a dance, I guess that’s just your cup of tea.
I’m not arguing that the WWF aren’t marketing geniuses. After all, they managed to sell this product to so many freakin people across the nation. They rival the producers of The Blair Witch project in that area. And if you’ve seen an XFL commercial, you know what I’m talking about. For example, they made the people who are in favor of censorship and against Playboy and other such female exploiting magazines the bad guys. Meanwhile, they made the beer guzzling, violent for no reason, drops cars on people from 30 feet in the air asshole the hero. Parents must love this concept. Anyway, little things like that and big things like the fact that it’s all scripted out and just stupid in general that makes me not be able to stand it. The fact that I had to resort to watching Chris Carter make his 1000th career catch on the dryer on the little TV makes me hate it even more. I’m outvoted by both of my roommates now. And we entertained talk of having Mike move down here too! I think I’d break a TV or two before I had to move out. I suppose it has its superficial appeal. Seeing half naked guys roll around with each other on a canvas can appeal to some people. But if I want to see some guy hold another guys legs in the air in the spread eagle position, so that his partner can wiggle his tongue around and dive his mouth into the helpless victim’s crotch, I’ll go onto Russ’ computer and check out his Gay Pollock porn site bookmarks. I dunno. I guess I just don’t get it.
A while ago, Russ and I were talking about the names of intramural teams, and how both of us thought that the intramural football team “Beer” had the best name by far. I told him I was surprised that there weren’t to my knowledge any wrestling references in any of the team names. He offered this as counterpoint…
“Well, that’s probably because most ‘real athletes’ don’t give wrestling the respect it deserves.”
-Russ “It Doesn’t Matter” Johnson
Mind you, I actually turned the Jets game off a while back for a bra and panties match, but that’s where I draw the line.
Laying down the smack,
Still Standing Right Here…