Kids - Not to sound annoyingly obvious, but these little punks are the reason we’re all here. And as bratty as some of them are, I miss the kids. My job isn’t just playing with kids anymore. I get to play with the parents and the health inspector, etc. The kids are actually the ones that keep my sanity. And my whistle. And the keys to my car. Even the bad ones aren’t so bad comparatively. And they have to listen to me. If I go tell them to sit in a corner, they might argue, but every last one will go sit in that corner. I don’t think my boss would be as cooperative. A
Counselors - I lied. I do have a group of kids. There are about 13 or so and they wine and bitch about everything all the time too. And some of them are just as bratty as their kids. “Do we have to go to tennis? It’s too hot outside.” “What’s next?” “Can I have a dollar?” But so far this year, none of them have needed to be fired for talking about smoking pot to their kids. A
My boss(es) - I’ll be honest. My bosses have bailed me out of trouble when I got in over my head. They’re usually very reasonable when I need to order stuff or use the bathroom. But it’s really all about the Bengimans to them. Two years ago, my boss’s boss sat me down and explained very matter of factly in as nice a way as possible that I wasn’t getting a raise or a promotion because they knew I’d stay anyway and I frankly just wasn’t worth their money. It burned, but at least I know what he’s all about. And it’s the Bengimans. Unfortunately, I’m only all about the Washingtons. B-
The parents - 85% of the parents I have to deal with are great. They tell me that their child is having fun at camp and they might have a little constructive criticism or a minor question about policy, but they are founded in reality. Then there’s the other 15%. These people have no clue how to parent a child. Granted, I’ve never had to father a child and I can only imagine how hard it might be, but give me a fucking break. I told a father that I saw his daughter scratch another child’s face, showed the child’s bloody face to him and the skin was still practically under his daughter’s nails, and the guy still sat there and told me that his daughter wouldn’t do something like that and that “something else must be going on here.” Further down the line on the bad parenting spectrum, I had social services and the police called on me earlier this year for possible child neglect and/or sexual assault over one 8-yr-old calling another 8-yr-old gay in the locker room. She also threatened to go to WBALTV and stand outside with a picket sign saying that we abuse kids. These kind of parents drag down the average. C-
“That’s fine. I’ll just stand out there with a picket sign that says ‘She’s a knucklehead.’”
The two of them can march around in a circle on the FOX Evening News.
Stuck in an endless piggyback ride,
Mr. Jungle Gym.
Still Standing Right Here…