If you guys don’t normally read these, this might be a good one to break that tradition for…
Team Got Kicked Off the Team For
Now, to preserve the anonymity of the criminals/suspects/just plain idiots, I’ve decided to disguise their actual names. Though, since all of this was in the UMBC or county public police log, and since they aren’t around anymore to kick my ass, I don’t feel so bad (or scared).
Dong Yates – OK, some guy had his bike stolen from the RAC (UMBC’s gym) about two weeks ago and reported it stolen to the police and everything. He came into the gym yesterday and told me and Geoff that his bike was back outside and locked up. So we waited for the “perp” to unlock the bike to see who it was. And what do you know, it was Dong unlocking the bike after bball practice. So Geoff and the campus police asked him where he got it. His response was that the bike wasn’t originally locked up, so he thought that somebody was just “giving it away.” So he took it and put a lock on it, making it his own. And thought he could get away with it. New Yorkers are so dumb. B*
Reefer Mulligan - Well, all this guy was doing was smokin a doobie with one of his bball buds. They were smart enough not to bring it into the dorm too, and they were out in their car. Well, the police saw the smoke-filled car and started drawing closer. So Reefer and friend opened the door and took off. Not knowing that one of the cops had seen almost every game that season. Also, not figuring that the police would be able to trace the license plate back to him either. But you know about these guys from New York. B+
Issac Crook - So the chemistry department had one of their computers stolen. About 6 months later, out of the blue, their computer popped back online. So using the IP address and other networking crap I can’t do, they tracked it down to the dorm room, and sure enough – guess what was there? Yep. And this is a local boy. A-
Will Jerkin - OK. This one combines the ignorance it takes to be a crook, the meatheadedness it takes to be a bully, and some flat out audacity disguised as idiocy. So this really big guy (about 6’8″ or so) takes this cell phone from a girl he just met while he was out somewhere. Then she calls him on it when she realizes she’s missing it and he answers and offers to give it back. For $100. So she agrees to meet him at the designated meeting place. Only she shows up with cops. New Yorker #3 A+
Sam Grand - No left hand, doesn’t play D, never passes the ball. He just sucks. C-
* – It should be noted that Dong didn’t get kicked off the team for that,
but rather, he just sucked too. C+
Lauren and I were discussing some of the stupid rules of the NCAA a few days ago. There are books filled with all the specific recruiting violations, how often you can talk to someone and what you’re allowed to say, etc. Well, in a little twist of fate, it looked like she was going to be living with one of the guys on the baseball team. And now since Lauren works in the athletic dept, there are rules she had to make sure she doesn’t break…
“No, I’m allowed to let him live with me, but I just can’t give him a ride to class.”
To which I replied “well, I’m allowed to have sex with all the girls on the volleyball team as long as I don’t get caught playing volleyball with them.” Not kidding. But one is much more likely than the other.
Shot clock violator,
Still Standing Right Here…