Literal Highway Robbery

Literal Highway Robbery

I know a lot of you out there live vicariously through my idiocy, so I apologize for withholding that from you for so long, but you will have to wait no longer. What really cracks me up about this story is that I knew how stupid I was being, and I chose to see if my good luck could outlast empirical facts. Well, here’s what happened:

I was driving my car back down from PA in the dark. I got somewhere around 45 miles from home and I noticed that the lights inside my car were dimming. I thought nothing of it. Well, about 10 minutes later, I noticed that the faintest of lights on my clock read 12:02 or so and it was only about 10:00. And the road was well lit, but I noticed that there wasn’t really any visual difference outside the car when I turned my lights on and off. This became increasingly more evident as I turned off 95 to a gas station. As I had guessed would happen, the car would not start once I shut it off. It was the battery. No brainer. So I had Steph come pick me up and we’d take care of it the following day. So here’s what I call “taking care of it.” The next day, Steph drove me there in the day (when I didn’t need lights) and I’d drive home without the use of anything that would require my battery. Deep down, I knew this wouldn’t work, but on the surface, I was brilliant! So we drove about 5 miles down 95 and got stuck on the shoulder when my engine just shut off. So we broke down and went to Walmart to buy a battery and tried to install it. When we returned, I hit a snag that took me about half an hour to put in the battery. By now, it was pouring rain. Once I got the battery in, I fired her up and we were ready to go. Even if it was the alternator (which recharges the battery as you drive), I figured I’d be able to make it back home to my own mechanic before I needed it recharged. Well, that’s not how alternators work. They actually suck the juice out of the battery and give it to the car. So about ten seconds after I started the car, nothing. We tried to jump it and the patrolling service vehicle tried to “hot shot” it to no avail.

So now I was stuck on the side of 95 instead of in a gas station. And I’d reached the end. I needed to get the car towed. And when the guy showed up, he priced it at $170 just to take it to the nearest garage. I wasn’t exactly in the position to shop around, and I think he knew that. And from what I could tell when I asked him how much it would cost him to take it all the way down to Baltimore, he was just making shit up. And why not? So I had to fucking pay it. And the $400 for the alternator core. So I was bitching about the tow cost on the way home…

Quote Of the Day 2/3/03

“No shit. That’s highway robbery… Literally.”

-Steph

Which makes you wonder… how did they come up with that term?

Identifying the cost of stupidity,

Dumbstin.

Still Standing Right Here…

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