I know a lot of you out there live vicariously through my idiocy, so I apologize for withholding that from you for so long, but you will have to wait no longer. What really cracks me up about this story is that I knew how stupid I was being, and I chose to see if my good luck could outlast empirical facts. Well, here’s what happened:
I was driving my car back down from PA in the dark. I got somewhere around 45 miles from home and I noticed that the lights inside my car were dimming. I thought nothing of it. Well, about 10 minutes later, I noticed that the faintest of lights on my clock read 12:02 or so and it was only about 10:00. And the road was well lit, but I noticed that there wasn’t really any visual difference outside the car when I turned my lights on and off. This became increasingly more evident as I turned off 95 to a gas station. As I had guessed would happen, the car would not start once I shut it off. It was the battery. No brainer. So I had Steph come pick me up and we’d take care of it the following day. So here’s what I call “taking care of it.” The next day, Steph drove me there in the day (when I didn’t need lights) and I’d drive home without the use of anything that would require my battery. Deep down, I knew this wouldn’t work, but on the surface, I was brilliant! So we drove about 5 miles down 95 and got stuck on the shoulder when my engine just shut off. So we broke down and went to Walmart to buy a battery and tried to install it. When we returned, I hit a snag that took me about half an hour to put in the battery. By now, it was pouring rain. Once I got the battery in, I fired her up and we were ready to go. Even if it was the alternator (which recharges the battery as you drive), I figured I’d be able to make it back home to my own mechanic before I needed it recharged. Well, that’s not how alternators work. They actually suck the juice out of the battery and give it to the car. So about ten seconds after I started the car, nothing. We tried to jump it and the patrolling service vehicle tried to “hot shot” it to no avail.
So now I was stuck on the side of 95 instead of in a gas station. And I’d reached the end. I needed to get the car towed. And when the guy showed up, he priced it at $170 just to take it to the nearest garage. I wasn’t exactly in the position to shop around, and I think he knew that. And from what I could tell when I asked him how much it would cost him to take it all the way down to Baltimore, he was just making shit up. And why not? So I had to fucking pay it. And the $400 for the alternator core. So I was bitching about the tow cost on the way home…
“No shit. That’s highway robbery… Literally.”
Which makes you wonder… how did they come up with that term?
Identifying the cost of stupidity,
Still Standing Right Here…