I’m really exhausted, but this was too funny to let go another day. Of all the stupid things I’ve ever said to a girl I was interested in, this is probably in the top ten. Not quite the top five, let’s remember some of my other lines (“Who the fuck are you” comes to mind). But before I get into it, I need to go over a few of my theories.
Now I shouldn’t let some of you women behind the curtain, but you would also be a fool to let my theories of relationships make you consider things any more seriously than your average Quantum Leap episode. These theories have to do with exceptionally attractive women. See first of all, guys like myself and Tom have been raised to believe that all attractive women are snobs. All apologies, but that’s the shit you learn in high school when you run cross country and work in the video lab. So if they show any sort of interest in you, odds are that they are interested in you or at least want something from you. This is why it’s exceptionally difficult to accept that an overly attractive girl that comes up to talk to you just wants to be your friend. For the record, this sounds really idiotic now that I reread it, but I didn’t really expect too much out of it anyway.
Counteracting this theory is the “low self-esteem corollary.” If one of these subjects happens to actually be interested in myself (or Tom), it can be quite intimidating and odds are against any sort of cooperation on our end. At least, this is my reaction. So when a somewhat unmistakable pick-up line came out of her mouth, jokingly or not (something like “so, do you have any more room in your little black book?”), my reply was something to the effect of “I don’t do very well with extremely attractive women.” And I didn’t really recover either. Some people think that it was kinda cute. Maybe if I had thought of something to say after that other than “OK, I gotta go.” But most laugh in my face. Certainly not my worst work, but I think I’m putting it on the back burner until I can think of something to use it in tandem with. And I also think I’ve proved the statement correct unintentionally. This is why I’m sticking with the chicks that don’t think they’re pretty. Whether they’re right or not (that’s just wrong, dawg).
So Keith D (the non-roommate Keith, as I call him when I have the time), suggested that I photocopy a page from my little black book (which hasn’t had a new phone number put in it since I got my cell phone 3 years ago) and circle a blank spot in it and give it to her. This is certainly the funniest approach, but I don’t think funny is necessarily the direction I want to head. So he gave me some other ideas like handing her a note saying “do you like me?” with two boxes saying “yes” and “no…”
“It’s so old, it’s kind of original again.”
I think I’ll choose funny over stupid. But I’m afraid I’m doomed to stupid anyway.
Flailing my limbs in the ocean of predictability,
Still Standing Right Here…