When Nuts Attack

When Nuts Attack

Now I’m not going to pretend that I’m the greatest guy in the world. Well, at least I’m not perfect. You all know this. I’ve done some things that some girls I’ve dated have every right to be angry about. Megan O’Brien had every right to be pissed. As did Maryrose. OK, I’m going to stop this thread now. Where I’m going with this is that I recently got involved with someone who I used to be good friends with. Things didn’t work out for one reason or another and she decided she didn’t want to see me anymore. OK. I got it. We had very different interests and that was tough to get around…

—–11 days later—–

…then came this absolutely nasty e-mail. It was the most hate-laden flailing piece of anger I have ever seen. And I’ve seen some anger. Heck, a few of you are responsible for some. Anyway, she started by saying my quote of the day was crap, uninteresting and uninspired. Well no shit it’s uninspired! I hope none of you are looking to my dinky little attempts at humor to motivate you to finally write that detective novel or sculpt that enormous red ear. Hell, I don’t even really expect it to make you laugh most days. I really just use it as a transition between downloading porn and playing internet poker. If you guys are still reading it, that’s an unexpected bonus. Then she went on to say that she was testing me the whole few times we had gone out and I failed every one despite the fact that she made them progressively easier. And the whole time I thought we were just having a conversation. Nope. I was wrong. And it seemed so much like a conversation. But not when you are out with the self-proclaimed “ultimate quizmaster.” Nope. Then, you are under a microscope. Two weeks later, she brought up a topic that came up in passing that I didn’t bother asking her about. Some musician. Apparently, I was supposed to ask her why she liked this artist. I did not. So I got that question wrong. The e-mail had a few other examples of things I didn’t ask her to expand on. This lowered my overall score to finish in the same percentile as that of the average ginkgo plant. If the score I got on her little tests translated into SATs, I probably couldn’t even get into Towson (zing!). So please tell me now if I’ve ever thought that I was having a conversation with anyone on this list and I was actually undergoing some sort of exam and wound up failing miserably. Or please tell me if I passed. Because I want to know what my GPA is for these single-blind quizzes I may have been enduring for who knows how long. And for God sakes, if you want to talk about something, talk about it. I’m not gonna put up with this shit anymore. You’ve been warned. I had to take a few people off this list for this quote for reasons that would be obvious to some other people on this list and the people I took off, obviously. Though the e-mail she sent was obviously meant to hurt me, it ceased to have any affect on me because it came off as a flailing anger-filled tirade. It did, however, scare me. As out of the blue as this was, who knows what the hell else this girl is capable of. I showed this e-mail to a coworker to get a second opinion…

Quote of the Day 1/31/05

“You’re going to want to save this. Your mom will need it for the trial.”

-Nancy, my unpaid social advisor.

You’re going to want to delete this. Your mom will never need to know any of this.

Wearing a staple-proof vest,

D Rec.

Still Standing Right Here…

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