OK boys and girls, put on your game face. It’s time. Is TO gonna play or not? You wanna know the truth? I don’t give a fuck. Maybe it’s because it’s all I’ve been hearing about for the last two weeks. The Eagles are finally in the Superbowl for the first time since I was 5 and I have actually found myself turning off Sportscenter because I’m so sick of the Terrell Owens ankle updates. It seems to be all anybody asks me about the game too. If you haven’t been paying attention, he’s coming back from his injury 3 weeks early because God cleared him to play. Though if he does score, I can’t wait to see what he’ll do. I think he should just give the ball to the ref and walk back to the sidelines. It will be the most talked about celebration this year. And the camera will stay stuck on him for half an hour. Actually, I would like to see him run over and raise the PAT net himself. That would make his return worth it. But the real game takes place before the game even starts. You can bet on anything in the superbowl. Even the coin toss. This is how I will make my millions. There is something called a two-team parlay in sports betting. You bet that two things will happen and if they both happen, you get paid decent money. Something like 13:5. So if you put up $5 that the Eagles will cover and the score will go over the over/under (if you’re lost, don’t worry – it gets easier), you get 13 dollars if both things happen. OK, so put down $5 that the Eagles will win the toss and the Eagles will get the ball first. If you’re right, you get $13. Then put up $5 that the Patriots will win the toss and the Patriots will get the ball first. If this happens, you get $13. So you’ll lose $5 if you choose both of these, but you’ll get $13 as long as whoever wind the toss elects to receive the ball. This happened in every Eagles game and every Patriots game this season. So for every $5 you put up, you win $8. Just so the bookie doesn’t catch on, place these bets with two different bookies. It’s a lock. In fact, it’s more like an investment than a bet. And that’s what I’m asking from you. Only $500 and you can get in on the ground floor. Now I just need to find two different bookies who will take a bet from somebody who’s never placed a bet before. And I’m going to be the one getting my legs broken if the deal goes sour. Well, this is how I’m going to make my millions next year.
I fucked up my ankle again. Not as bad as it’s ever been, but enough to sideline me from my lunchtime Tue/Thu old man basketball games. So one of the guys asked me if I’d be able to play next week…
“Well, all you need is God to clear you.”
Unfortunately, my HMO won’t send him my MRI.
Flyin like an Eagle,
Still Standing Right Here…