The Hood Doesn’t Latch – OK, it’s not quite as dangerous as it sounds. One of the latches is broken, so it sits up about two inches from the hood and bounces up and down when the car moves. I’m fully convinced the hood will never become unlatched and fly up in front of the windshield when I’m driving, but I was a film major who once put oil in the steering wheel fluid tank. What the hell do I know? It really just adds to the over Mercury Tracer-ness of the vehicle. C+
Warped Piston in the Motor – This is a complete guess, but it’s not mine. It’s Goodwrench Joe’s assessment of the noise coming out of my engine. It kinda sounds like if you dropped a bolt in a blender and set it on puree. It’s been over two years, so I don’t think it’s ever going to really matter and it doesn’t really affect the performance of the vehicle. The vehicle affects its own performance enough. It now just sounds like a science experiment from the outside. Which sucks for dates. I have to make sure the car is always off when she is outside the vehicle. Or I have to coast down to her apartment if she’s already outside. Or I just have to get a new fucking car. A-
The Back Door Doesn’t Open From the Inside – I call it my cop car feature. Cespos calls it something else that I won’t get into in mixed company. But it makes for amusing times when somebody actually sits back there, which is hardly ever, because we usually forget about them and they have to sit there the rest of the evening until we get back. Fortunately, this is probably something that will be overlooked if I try to sell my car. B
Interior Lights Don’t Go On – I already talked about this when I mentioned the whole running out of gas thing. Again, I imagine I’ll be selling the car in the daytime, so it will probably go unnoticed. But you can’t read the gas gauge, the speedometer or any other dial that’s up there once dark takes over. But thankfully, the battery light still works. Which is another problem. Cause I know what to do when the gas light comes on, believe it or not. But what do you do when the battery light comes on? I think you just stay the course, cross your fingers and hope you don’t have to call Leigh to pick you up in the Heroin District of Philly. I’ll consult the manual to make sure. D+
Broken Gas Cap – This one is sorta recent. It was actually the fault of stupid gas can I overpaid for. Somebody turned what could have been very easy into the most difficult procedure since time travel was invented. I really think you needed three hands to work the thing properly. To this day, I still believe the only answer was to kick the fuck out of the gas cap. B+
So I not-so-recently started using AIM again (BumpSetNet, please write me. I only ever talk to the same three people on there). I am starting to see the merits in it now that I’ve developed the habit of falling out of touch with all my friends in non-predictable 3 month intervals. Well, I’m sure I don’t need to describe how it works to all of you out there, so here’s a conversation between Mikey and me that may have invented a new word I’m going to use…
MJConover7: Guess you just IM’d me.
MJConover7: Guess *who* just. . . .
BumpSetNet: ok, that makes more sense
BumpSetNet: and you can’t even really call that a typo
MJConover7: it was a “think-o”
Thank God there’s a new word for it. I’ve been calling them “Dustins.”
Happy Birthday Ma!!
Still Standing Right Here…