Let’s just call a spade a spade. And I’m even late for the month too. Sorry to my loyal fan base and thanks for holding up your end of the bargain, being just annoying enough with the “what happened to the quote?” “why did you take me off the list, you prick?” and “you realize nobody likes you anymore since you stopped typing to us” to get me to try to remember what my life’s purpose is again.
Now this message is going to be two things at once. I have a lot of computer nerd friends on here (I mean that in the best way possible for people I’m asking favors from) and I need one of them to recommend a good computer. Here are the specs: I need it to be able to play Worms and online poker but nothing stupid like Everquest or Doom (I mean stupid in the most loving way possible). I need it to run Photoshop and iTunes and obviously stuff like Wordpad and Calculator if possible. I do NOT need it to download porn anymore. I think I got it all and I’m not too impressed with the new stuff anyway. And I need a CD burner and an internet connection of some kind.
I still have my old Frankenstein computer and it was worth the $200 I got it for from Powdered Toast Man, but if you don’t reformat it twice a year, it won’t let you be connected to the internet and use the mouse at the same time (he’s not kidding). And that’s just the beginning. And since my neighbors moved out, we can’t steal their internet anymore anyway. And in case there are any cops or people seriously ethically opposed to that out there, you can replace the word “steal” with “get off your moral high horse, you aren’t any better than anybody else.” So that’s why you haven’t heard from me. After slaving away all day on the kickball field (and the bars), I just can’t hang out in this damn place for another freakin second. Not when Deal Or No Deal is on 19 days a week. Anybody sick of them slamming down the little glass thing and saying “No deal!” yet? How long can that possibly be interesting?
Oops. Off track there a bit. Anyway, if somebody out there can hook me up with that computer for somewhere in the neighborhood of $500, I’ll give you a cut of whatever I can sell the ole POC PC for. Thanks. NERDS UNITE! Ha. When I originally wrote that, I wrote “Nerds untie!” That’s funny.
OK, I want to write this one about the Indy 500 before we get to far away from it. I was talking with Mikey Con-Man who recently moved to Indy and got to meet Mario Andretti because of his line of work (serving fish to old rich people). We were talking about the sunburn that people got from going to that race for 7 hours or however long those silly things (I mean that in the most fun type of silly possible) last. I told him that the blacktop basically functions as the focal point of the sun on days like that, but he brought up the point that nobody he knows was really on the blacktop, which was an excellent point.
“If you were on the blacktop, you’d be red alright. But it wouldn’t be from sunburn.”
It’s a good starter quote to get me back on track (pretend that wasn’t an intentional pun – actually two – and you may still respect him).
Computerless in Southwest Ohio,
Still Standing Right Here…