So I’m sick. Not really that sick, but enough to piss me off. And I’m so ridiculously inept at getting myself better, it’s ridiculous (I need a thesaurus). Like my throat has been scratchy for days and my solution was to eat more ice cream. I thought about gargling salt water for a sec, but there were ritz crackers by my bed which I figured would serve the same purpose. And when trying to figure out how I got sick, everybody asks if I have strange sleeping patterns. These people don’t know me. Or they do and are basically saying “duh.”
So I tracked it back to the night I drove to Cleveland and back and didn’t get to sleep until 8am and then had to get up the next… day(?) at 5am. Anyway, after waking up at about 4pm that day, I couldn’t fall back asleep until about 4:45am. I woke up 15 minutes later, confused as cranberries (that’s not a real saying – don’t use it and expect results) and unable to identify where that damn noise was coming from. Is it the alarm clock?… No, not the alarm clock… I glanced at my guitar… No, probably not the guitar… THE PHONE!!! Got it! It’s the phone… No, nope… it’s not the phone… Oh crap! It IS the alarm clock! Why the hell is it going off now? It’s still dark. I must have screwed something up somewhere. Oh no, wait a sec… No, I was right. Shit on a duck (also not a saying)…
So that is the origin of me being sick. It’s the residual effect of my favor. This favor is getting bigger with every day that passes by that I can’t choke down a yuengling.
So me and 43 kids went to the Beach Water Park a few Fridays ago. I know. It’s a rough job. I put in for overtime that day. So anyway, it’s our policy that all the kids have on suntan lotion when they are outside. My jeep actually has that same policy now. Anyway, most of the kids left theirs on the bus, I think mostly because I told them to (oops). So I let the kids in my group borrow mine (like they’re going to give it back). It’s 60 spf, which is apparently very high in the world of suntan lotion. I know it’s more effective than 4 spf. So Jaci was helping one of the girls put it on and she had never seen suntan lotion this thick…
“Is this glue?”
Hey you little runt! You try peeling off two layers of your own skin for two weeks straight and see how you feel about using glue to keep the sun from having a B-line to your bones! No wonder nobody likes you.
Sick as a dog (and that is a saying… but why?),
Still Standing Right Here…