The Dominoes Pizza Story

The Dominoes Pizza Story

Hey everybody. A year ago Monday, my dad passed away of lung cancer. I’m going to honor him with a story that sums up his personality. It’s the story I opened my stand up routine with years ago and will again sometime this year in Cincinatti. It’s the opening scene of the screenplay that I have written. It’s a story I actually tried to reenact a couple years ago with a stubborn Papa Johns manager. It’s known simply as “The Dominoes Pizza Story.” I have a feeling you’ll enjoy it.

Setting: Bridgeport, PA – August 1998ish, 9:30pm

So my pops is walking the mile home from the video store after working all day and passes a Dominoes Pizza store. He figures that he’s hungry, why not stop in and order a pizza and take it back home. He tries to open the door. It’s locked. The entire front of the place is all glass and he can see people inside throwing dough up in the air. So he bangs on the door. Somebody in there looks over his shoulder and points to a sign. The sign says ” no walk-in customers after 9pm.” I suppose they’re intimidated by his bolo tie and plaid flannel shirt. So he yells inside “I just want to order a pizza!” They shrug their shoulders and go back to flipping dough. About a minute later, they get a phone call.

“Dominoes Pizza, how may I help you?”
“Yeah, I’d like a small plain pizza.”
“Your name?”
“And where would you like that delivered?”
“Right here.”
“Excuse me?”
“Hold on.”
My dad walks over to the window and leans over to wave inside and yells “Hi!”
“Yeah, I’d like my pizza delivered right here.”

“But we can’t do that.”
“Why not?! I’m here. I have money.”
“But we need an address.”
“Well, what’s your fucking address?! Order it to yourself, just outside.”
“I’m sorry, we can’t do that.”
“Let me talk to your manager.”
(Manager takes over) “Sir, what can I do for you?”
“I’m trying to order a pizza and your pizza boy is giving me crap.”
“Well, we can’t order it to you outside for safety reasons.”
“What safety reasons? I’ll stand across the street if you want.”
“Sir, I’m sorry but I will not deliver it to you unless you give me an address.”
“Fine. 135 West Sixth Street.”
“Is that your address, sir?”
“Yes it is.”
“Are you going to be there?”…

Quote of the Day 8/21/06

“If you can give me a ride.”


He did not get a pizza that night.

And just to pad his stats and to catch myself up…

Quote of the Day 8/22/06

“Well, what’s your fucking address? Order it to yourself, just outside.”

-The Dad.

I also want to thank everybody for all your help and understanding last year at this time. I hope you know how much my family and I appreciate your support. And I hope you enjoy dad’s stories. I’ll pass a few more on to you so you guys can begin to learn why I am the way I am.

Love you pops,


May your hands always be busy, may your feet always be swift.
May you have a strong foundation when the winds of changes shift.
May your heart always be joyful, may your song always be sung.
And may you stay… forever young.

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