Hello all you wonderfully holiday cheerfully awesome people. It’s that time of year again. The time of year where you say to yourself “Damnit! I can’t believe I waited this long to do my Christmas shopping again. Next year, I’m starting in freakin July!” Well, here’s how I’ve decided to combat that. I’m not going to worry about it. I tried to do one really creative project for Christmas this year and I’m probably not going to finish that until February sometime. Maybe I can give it away as a surprise President’s Day gift. But I’ve decided I’m not going to stress out about whether or not I got stuff for everybody I wanted to and whether it was something that they want or can use or deserve. And I’m certainly not going to make up for the lack of creativity with a lot of money that I don’t have. Among other things I’m not going to worry about are overbaked cookies, lateness of previously mentioned gifts and innocent, misinterpreted comments that are supposed to be funny. I’m honestly going to be more concerned about whether or not they are funny than offensive. Just a merry holiday warning for all of you.
Sorry about the cynicism, but I’ve recently gotten into a relationship that I don’t know that I want to be in. On paper, it looks like we’d be great together. She’s a third year grad student and I’m… old. Trust me, in that town, that’s as old as single girls get. Anyway, I like to hang out with her and her friends and there will be more coming on this later, but if I’m going to try to get 12 of these out before Christmas, I’m gonna have to get moving. It’s like I’m hydrogen and she’s beryllium. There’s just no chemistry between us. (And I don’t care how poorly that joke tested on my control group yesterday. It’s not my fault you don’t realize that hydrogen is an unstable gas. You need to study up on your comedy.) Anyway, Tom had mentioned he was glad that it wasn’t working out between me and said girl because it makes me funnier and it suits his purposes better…
-Tom, my life coach
Honestly, he’s not the only one in that boat. I have a new theory on why I can’t find any women.
Shopping for stuff you won’t want,
Still Standing Right Here…