So I’ve been doing something for about a week now that I recommend all of you do around Christmastime. And no, it’s not eating all the cookie dough before mom and Char ruin it by putting it in the oven. (Though I do recommend that too. It’s sooOOOOooooo good that way!) Anyway, I have been doing something as simple as wearing a Santa hat around when I go out in public. (When I first wrote that, I wrote down “Satan hat.” That would have conveyed a much different meaning than I had intended.) Anyway, it makes people smile at you and if you’re just as cheerful back to them or even go so far as to say Merry Christmas to them just after you make eye contact and see their little smile start to crack, it really brightens their day. Unless they’re a grinch. Or Jewish. Or Quanzican. But it’s a hit or miss world, sometimes you just gotta roll with the odds. It’s also a good angle to take with any hot chicks that you might want to talk to that you otherwise wouldn’t. But then you’d probably need to get a little drunk first to get your courage up. And Santa’s helpers send off a different message when they’re sloppy falling down ignorant drunks. I’m not saying there’s not an angle there, but I haven’t learned how to play that hand yet. Maybe one of you can figure that out and pass on the info. Thanks.
This segues nicely into the one issue I want to bring up before you take on this task of wearing a Santa around to bring smiles to the greater public (and prey on the fragile, unsuspecting, Christmas-loving hotties who thought you were just in it to bring smiles to the greater public). When wearing a Santa hat, you must remember you are wearing a Santa hat. Now that I’ve been at it for a week, I can remember well enough when I see people smile at me that it’s not because I’m just that hot. But in the beginning, I forgot after a while of walking around. I went shopping uptown in Oxford and I had an unusual amount of people wish me a Merry Christmas. Now it was a good thing, don’t get me wrong – but then there were certain times I was weirded out. Like when this old lady rolled her window down at a red light to wish me a Merry Christmas. I told her to shut up and go creep somebody else out. Now I realize that “Thanks and Merry Christmas to you too” would have been a much more appropriate response. A few minutes later a cute college girl told me she liked my hat. The hat! That’s right. Unfortunately I was so disappointed to realize that I was garnering all this attention because of my hat and not for the grueling workout regiment I’ve been on for the last 3 days that I forgot how to play this to my advantage and just told her to go fuck off. So yeah, what I’m saying is that wearing a Santa hat comes with a sort of understood responsibility to be at least somewhat nice. Like you can’t be wearing a Santa hat in your jeep and cut people off and then give them the finger and throw raw bacon out your back window and their windshield. Well, you can go ahead and do anything you want, I’m just thinking though that you probably shouldn’t.
Now it has come to my attention that the last quote was not that funny. I think a lot of it was lost in translation. It was the pause between the “It’s like a sitcom that comes on…” and the “every once in a while” that didn’t convey the proper comedic timing that I needed it to when I wrote it down. Char thinks I needed more dots. The three weren’t enough. In retrospect, I think it just might not have been very funny to people that weren’t there. I can accept this. Hell, I didn’t say it. Tom is stupid anyway. He cheats at fantasy football…
The Second Day of Quotemas 2006
“Fantasy football is like Dungeons & Dragons for guys who used to make fun of Dungeons & Dragons in high school.”
He admittedly stole this from a comedian, but we can’t think of who, so Dave gets a point for now.
Still Standing Right Here…