So I got an e-mail address from another hot waitress at Fox & Hound when I went home. The age old argument about whether she was hot or cute transpired and because of my state of inebriation and the fact that I don’t remember the outcome of the argument or which side I was on at the time, I’m just going to pick one and I’m going with hot. Anyway, we got to talking and it turns out we had something in common. I wanted beer and she was willing to bring it to me. Yeah, I know that’s not technically something that we have in common since they’re actually the exact opposite of each other. So anyway, I got drunk and told her I had a daily e-mail humor column. Which as you all know, isn’t true at all. But it sounds better than “I write a stupid rant when I get around to it.” Regardless, neither one of them is going to get me any action. And I still have to live with the guilt of lying. I should have told her I have a big penis and a lot of money. If I’m going to lie, I may as well give myself the best chance to reap the rewards of deceit.
OK, this guy comes from a long time ago when I was incredibly… we’ll say “kidding.” It was last New Years Eve and I know I didn’t write about it yet. I had my birthday liquor mask on and Meatwad, Kevin and Tony made sure I was able to stumble out to the subway after the party. On said subway, I ran into a girl and I told her it was my birthday. This line worked out much better than “I write a blog-type thing that nobody really has access to read.” So we were making out on the subway. Pretty much the whole ride, however long it was. Then we got off and she stayed on and I never saw her again to my knowledge. I damned Tony, Kev and Wad for not being good wing men…
Me: “You guys are supposed to be my friends! How come you couldn’t talk her into coming back to your place?”
Tony: “Because she had friends too.”
Ooooooohhhhhh! New plan. I need to find somebody without friends.
Still Standing Right Here,
Wait, I did that backwards.