Our Horny Catshark

Let me describe to you, in case I forget and don’t get a chance to, the difference between our cat when she’s in heat, and when she’s in just normal vicious piranha mode. Normally, when you try to do something risky like… say… pet it, you have a 50/50 chance of survival. Continual petting increases the likelihood of pain. In fact, it’s almost like the “how many licks to get to the center of a tootsie pop?” commercial. How many pets before your hand gets pierced and held with her two claws, bit relentlessly, and kicked with her hind legs much like I would imagine a small kangaroo with really sharp claws would do? And this is provided she’s not in a bad mood. Sometimes, petting isn’t even required. You could just not be paying attention, have your hand on the arm of the recliner with remote in hand, and all of a sudden… JIGGY ATTACK!!! And she won’t let go or give up as easy. The easiest way to get her off of you is to lift your arm up in the air. But it’s also the most painful because she doesn’t let go. She’ll get a few more kicks in before her claws slide down your naked arm, drawing blood on occasion. So instead, you have to wiggle, maneuver and distract, much like a championship boxer does. When they fight cats. It has a lot of pent up anger in it that it enjoys expressing as noted by the scars up and down my forearm.
Then it gets horny. For like an entire week. It won’t bite or scratch, no matter how much you instigate. Trust me, I’ve tested it to certain limits I shouldn’t be telling Tony and Jason about. It just mopes around crying and rubbing up against your leg, arm, foot, or whatever it can. It’s really cute and a deserved break from the norm. It makes you think she likes you until you see her rubbing up against the kitchen table and couch just as affectionately. And I would certainly prefer this behavior with the exception of the fact that she won’t shut up at night. She just sits outside all of our respective bedrooms crying all night until somebody goes out and wraps her up in duct tape. Which is usually me. Well, somebody has to be the bad guy. Anyway, Tony and I were on the phone with… well, I forget. It’s unimportant. And if it was any of you, I apologize for calling you unimportant, but… well, they asked why we haven’t gotten the Jigsaw fixed yet, to which he interjected…

Quote Of the Day 1/25/00

“Well, Jason wants to try to have babies with it first.”

I always knew he was the kinky type.

Ignoring those noises in the night,

Still Standing Right Here…

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