Rating My Jobs

Intramural Coordinator – This is my main job and the reason I have the other 9 jobs I have. It’s awesome most of the time. For the most part, they pay me to play intramurals, which makes me a professional flag football quarterback. But other times, the days just seem so damn long for my salary. I don’t think they pay me enough. Tony thinks I work too hard. He’s right. A+

Volleyball Coach – The only thing that sucks about this job is that I have to stand around in khakis and a collared shirt and watch other people play it. Otherwise, it’s awesome. And if I meet a chick at a club or whatever, it’s easier to understand “volleyball coach” than to describe my real job. And it sounds cooler than “bank examiner.” A+

Bowling Professor – I’m teaching this class in this coming winter session, so I can’t describe it yet, but I like going into bowling alleys now and acting cocky. I run down the lane to fix a pin. “It’s OK. I’m a bowling teacher.” And it pays much more than it should. A

Lifetime Fitness Professor – I should have never been teaching that class. I know more about quantum physics than I do about lifetime fitness. OK, I’m bluffing, but you get the point. It was a pain in the ass at times, but I got through it and convinced most everybody that I knew what I was doing. And I got a couple dates with a sexy redhead out of it too. ;) A-

Varsity Volleyball Announcer/DJ – This job is fun and relatively painless except when I had to announce American’s starting team. Of the six players, I think there were 7 total vowels in their first and last names combined. And there were at least that many z’s. A

Soccer Scoreboard Operator – Unless it’s cold out, I just watch the soccer game and get paid for it. They make soccer really easy on people in my position. I have to stop the 45 minute clock maybe 3 times a half if that. And if the game is on the turf, which most of them were, I just have to keep track of the goals scored. And most of the games end 3-1 or so. Real easy, real painless. The pay is pretty painless too. A

Basketball Shot Clock Operator – This job has a relatively high responsibility factor. But the fact that it is very easy lightened the load. And I get paid much more than I should when I’d probably be there anyway. A+

Basketball DJ – I like having this job because I get to control what the crowd hears, which is a good amount of power. But the sound system sucks and I often get heckled once the people sitting behind me realize I’m the one in charge of playing the Jackson 5. This is the one job I’d do without if I didn’t mind dicking over my colleagues. And if I was willing to relinquish that power to someone who didn’t like 70′s disco. B+

Ice Hockey Announcer/DJ – I have mixed emotions about this one. First off, it’s cold. Secondly, I’m supposed to play something every time the whistle blows, which happens a lot. I play about an average of a song a minute real time, which translates to a total of about 80 or so songs. And I don’t know anything about hockey which doesn’t help, but they pay me good anyway. I don’t get it either. A-

Day Camp Director – I’ll be in charge of up to 200 6-12 year olds. God save us all. Also a good thing to tell selective chicks I’m trying to pick up. A

Ravens Boy – I set up inflatable pepsi cans and assorted football related games outside Ravens Stadium before games. It’s a fun way to spend the day and I get to see the game for free when I’m done. And I think I’m that much closer to being the starting quarterback. A-

And in case any of you remember the Buffalo comeback in the last minute of the game a few weeks back…

Quote Of the Day 11/16/99

“And once again, the Ravens stole defeat from the jaws of victory.”
-Andy (Ref Guy)

The same applies for my Philadelphia fans on most Sundays.

Nevermore,
Squawking Cricket.

Still Standing Right Here…

This entry was posted in Uncategorized by admin. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>