Rating My Jobs

Intramural Coordinator – This is my main job and the reason I have the other 9 jobs I have. It’s awesome most of the time. For the most part, they pay me to play intramurals, which makes me a professional flag football quarterback. But other times, the days just seem so damn long for my salary. I don’t think they pay me enough. Tony thinks I work too hard. He’s right. A+

Volleyball Coach – The only thing that sucks about this job is that I have to stand around in khakis and a collared shirt and watch other people play it. Otherwise, it’s awesome. And if I meet a chick at a club or whatever, it’s easier to understand “volleyball coach” than to describe my real job. And it sounds cooler than “bank examiner.” A+

Bowling Professor – I’m teaching this class in this coming winter session, so I can’t describe it yet, but I like going into bowling alleys now and acting cocky. I run down the lane to fix a pin. “It’s OK. I’m a bowling teacher.” And it pays much more than it should. A

Lifetime Fitness Professor – I should have never been teaching that class. I know more about quantum physics than I do about lifetime fitness. OK, I’m bluffing, but you get the point. It was a pain in the ass at times, but I got through it and convinced most everybody that I knew what I was doing. And I got a couple dates with a sexy redhead out of it too. 😉 A-

Varsity Volleyball Announcer/DJ – This job is fun and relatively painless except when I had to announce American’s starting team. Of the six players, I think there were 7 total vowels in their first and last names combined. And there were at least that many z’s. A

Soccer Scoreboard Operator – Unless it’s cold out, I just watch the soccer game and get paid for it. They make soccer really easy on people in my position. I have to stop the 45 minute clock maybe 3 times a half if that. And if the game is on the turf, which most of them were, I just have to keep track of the goals scored. And most of the games end 3-1 or so. Real easy, real painless. The pay is pretty painless too. A

Basketball Shot Clock Operator – This job has a relatively high responsibility factor. But the fact that it is very easy lightened the load. And I get paid much more than I should when I’d probably be there anyway. A+

Basketball DJ – I like having this job because I get to control what the crowd hears, which is a good amount of power. But the sound system sucks and I often get heckled once the people sitting behind me realize I’m the one in charge of playing the Jackson 5. This is the one job I’d do without if I didn’t mind dicking over my colleagues. And if I was willing to relinquish that power to someone who didn’t like 70’s disco. B+

Ice Hockey Announcer/DJ – I have mixed emotions about this one. First off, it’s cold. Secondly, I’m supposed to play something every time the whistle blows, which happens a lot. I play about an average of a song a minute real time, which translates to a total of about 80 or so songs. And I don’t know anything about hockey which doesn’t help, but they pay me good anyway. I don’t get it either. A-

Day Camp Director – I’ll be in charge of up to 200 6-12 year olds. God save us all. Also a good thing to tell selective chicks I’m trying to pick up. A

Ravens Boy – I set up inflatable pepsi cans and assorted football related games outside Ravens Stadium before games. It’s a fun way to spend the day and I get to see the game for free when I’m done. And I think I’m that much closer to being the starting quarterback. A-

And in case any of you remember the Buffalo comeback in the last minute of the game a few weeks back…

Quote Of the Day 11/16/99

“And once again, the Ravens stole defeat from the jaws of victory.”
-Andy (Ref Guy)

The same applies for my Philadelphia fans on most Sundays.

Squawking Cricket.

Still Standing Right Here…

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