Rating My Nicknames

Well, apparently all those quotes I sent to you guys last week got lost in Floyd and are currently spread out all around Connecticut and Quebec now being read by tons of non-paying non-subscribing northernly folk. I’ll bet the Canadiens don’t even understand it either. Well, I’ll have to sum up everything I said last week. First off, I want to try to critique things that the Brunching Shuttlecocks wouldn’t do so I don’t get accused of plagerization. So here’s a topic I’ll bet they haven’t gotten to yet:

My Nicknames

Extendo – I’ve gotten more mileage out of this nickname than I did out of my last car. It’s the name of my intramural volleyball team, it’s part of my password for almost everything, and I was able to pick up a girl at the volleyball house because I was wearing a jersey with the name printed on the back. That relationship didn’t last very long. Apparently, she was looking for an Enduro. A

Nipples – I don’t much care for this nickname. I made it up as a sort of defense of my own pride. I decided to exploit my own asthetic defect (having unusually large nipples) before anyone else to avoid getting a worse nickname for it. Kinda like how I call my “attache” a purse to suck all the fun out of Tony teasing me about carrying around a purse everywhere I go. Don’t ever call me this. D

Air Fisher – This nickname kinda died out a while ago. It sounds cocky to the layman, but once that layman finds out I got the nickname bowling, it’s OK. I have a tendency to loft (hurl) the ball about 5-6 feet in the air before it lands on the lane when I bowl. But it’s not very catchy. C

Screaming Cricket – I got this name from a good friend when we were making Cherokee Indian nicknames. He gave me Screaming Cricket and I gave him Migrating Duck. Mine stuck. His didn’t and I don’t think he minds. A-

The Quorax – I really like the name and it’s very applicable. “Quorax, protector of the quotes.” But I try not to delve into the area of self flattery that often and a nickname just isn’t the same when you give it to yourself. Just ask Prime Time or Neon Deion or whatever he wants to be called now. B-

Mr. Whistlehead – I love it. I got it from one of my kids the first year I worked at day camp because I always wore a whistle on a band around my head. So it definitely has a cool origin. Now let’s analyze the actual name. If you don’t know where it comes from, it sounds really random and funny. I went so far as to name a film that I made about a loser of a character (I casted Proz to play the part) Mr. Whistlehead. I might be able to get the 18-25 yr old chicks with “Extendo” on my back, but a Whistlehead jersey would probably have the 8-12 yr old crowd turning their heads a good 98 degrees. A+

Dr. Hustle – OK, no one has ever called me this, but if you guys started, I really wouldn’t mind. There might me a Quorax tote bag in it for you too. No rating.

Well, when I first met Drew, we gave each other those Indian nicknames I mentioned above. Nick also wanted to be part of out clan. The following day, we were sitting outside waiting for X-Country practice to start and we were trying to think of names. Usually, when a child is born in that culture, they name the children after teh first thing they see, like “Running Brook,” or “Two Frogs Trying To Mate On A Small Rock In The Middle Of That Running Brook” and stuff like that. So as I said this, we looked up to see what was in front of us. Robyn Gaylon, a real sexy cheerleader just happened to be standing right in front of us bending over with her short-ass skirt on to stretch or whatever. We didn’t care why. Nick said to me without turning his head away “Dustin, I have my name.” I smiled, and also not looking away, I replied “What’s that, Nick?”

Quote Of the Day 9/20/99

“Sprouting Weasel”
-Sprouting Weasel

This is actually remarkably similar to how “Extendo” came about.

A rose is still a rose,
Mr. Whistlehead.

Still Standing Right Here…

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