Pop Goes Pop

World’s Greatest Pop Star, Child Molester Dead at Age 50

The undisputed “king of pop,” Michael Jackson, did not stop before he got enough and died today at the age of 50 from cardiac failure. His nose passed away a mere few minutes later. It was only 17.

An autopsy confirms that Jackson suffered a massive heart attack while performing Beat It one last time in front of a solo audience in the East Wing bathroom. He was found completely naked wearing only a single white glove.

Michael is survived by his three children, two sisters and four talentless hacks who made their livelihood by riding his coattails for a better part of seven years. Both Michael and his nose will be buried together next to his cheek bones this Saturday at the Vic Morrow Celebrity Funeral Home. Weird Al Yankovic will deliver the eulogy.

While this is a very sad day for the entertainment world and enthusiasts of a man who defined an era of music and invented the music video, it is a huge step forward for twitter. Sad as it may be for our country’s future, all major news sources – including CNN – are citing twitter as an official reference. Upon hearing news of Jackson and Farrah Fawcett today, Patrick Swayze had this to say: “Whew!”

More on this as the story develops.

The King of Soda Pop,

D Rec.

Still Standing Right Here…

QOTD credits: Linda Gambino – (“Whew”)