Congratulations everybody! We did it! I think the most brilliant part of our strategy was having Kerry run against Bush so that he’d stay in office long enough to piss off America so bad that we’d overreact and vote for anybody who pretended to be a Democrat. Or at least a non-Republican. I think the Whig Party had a better shot at winning the House majority than the Elephants. Actually, I think the “Dress Up Like Your Favorite thirtysomething Character” Halloween Party had a better chance than the Republican Party. The Democrats employed their brilliant strategy of slowly backing out of the room while their brother was getting yelled at. And it worked! Victory is ours! After like 12 or so years, it’s finally our turn to screw up the country. Tax and spend baby! There’s already a bill proposed called “Only a Few Children Per Hundred Left Behind.” Just like the good old days when I think I was left behind. I’m also looking forward to getting rid of that trickle-down economic theory where they give rich people all the money and hope that they give some to us or something like that. It’s right there in the name of it – they’re pissing on us. I want to see some “trickle-up” economics employed in the next couple years. That actually sounds a lot more difficult physically though. Maybe first thing in the morning I may have a shot at it. Truth be told, I get all of my political information from SportsCenter and Comedy Central. I think I stole something from Jon Stewart, Dennis Miller, Stephen Colbert and Rich Eisen just to write that last paragraph…
“A dictatorship would be a heck of a lot easier, there’s no question about it.”
-George W. Bush
The polls are in ladies and gentlemen…. And sleep wins! In a landslide.
My name is Dustin Fisher and I approve this message.
Sen. Dustin Fisher, (W-Ohio).
Still Standing Right Here…