My First GPS

My First GPS

Well, I’m taking a class again. I forgot how annoying it was to have deadlines and worries. But I figured hey, since I don’t have to pay for it, I might as well get some free stress on the government’s dollar. Anyway, I showed up to the first class and it was 16 women and me (counting the students, instructor, and the girl bringing in the video equipment). I had mixed reactions about that. The first one was the same reaction guys get when they find out they are the only guy just about anywhere. It resembles the first scene of a lot of porn flicks. The second, more realistic reaction, was to curl up into the fetal position and pray we never started talking about driving, PMS, or things we hate about the other gender. On a seperate note, I noticed I bring up football at least once a class for some inexplicable reason.

But enough about me, let’s talk about Aaron. There were about 10 or so of us leaving a DC United game and going to eat at some Pizza Hut in Elkridge that nobody in our particular car knew how to find. We didn’t realize that until about 15 minutes into the car ride when I asked if anybody knew the directions there…

Quote of the Day 2/27/03

“Yeah, I do. We just follow that car. They switch lanes, we switch lanes. It’s kinda like GPS.”

-A Rock

Wow. It doesn’t seem as complicated as I first thought.

Wiping dirt off a surface,


Still Standing Right Here…

Rating Things I Did In the Blizzard of 03

Rating Things I Did In the Blizzard of 03

Dug My Car Out of the Alley – OK. I know I mentioned to you what happened after I dug myself out of the alley the first time. Well, I went right back in the alley and thought I’d have a leg up on anybody who was going to try to get out the following day. Well, my car got covered in another foot and a half of snow and the plow came by, erecting a three foot wall of snow at the end of the alley anyway, negating all the work I had just done. And where was I going to put the snow? We had to either throw it back onto the street or onto other people’s cars. I think the whole neighborhood noticed that this one guy wasn’t moving his car anytime soon, so we piled up like 13 car’s worth of snow onto his car. He still hasn’t gotten out. C-

Hopped the Fence of Camden Yards – I probably shouldn’t go tooting this around everywhere, especially because there’s video of it, but what’s the point of breaking into a major ballpark during a blizzard if you can’t tell anybody. We (me, Steph and her two Canuck friends) were going to make snowmen on the field in every position with pink hats on, but the snow wasn’t really packable, and somebody was a little baby wus and didn’t want to go onto the field (me). But it’s still a pretty cool story to tell. Not as cool as the couple who had sex under the jumbo-tron during a game (and got caught on video), but still pretty damn cool. A

Walked to Metro and Back – We couldn’t think of a closer place to get food and Pickles Pub was all out of stock after Sunday, so we walked to Federal Hill. It took us 2 1/2 hours total. We went the long way there along the major road that I knew of and guessed our way back passed all the other open grocery stores and mini-marts mocking us. C-

Dug Pete’s Car Out Of the Snow – Well, Pete was way back in the alley and it would have taken him all week to try to shovel himself out. So he wiped the snow off of his windshield, put a gallon of salt under each wheel and tried to ride over the snow to the clear part where my car used to be. He got up and over the snow and made it to the clear part, but only the back end. The front end was stuck on top of the snow and the front wheels were in the air just spinnin. So we filled up a tub of hot water and poured it on the snow under the car. That shit actually worked. That was cool. But not Camden Yards cool. A-

Jere had just got finished digging (and melting) Pete’s car out of the snow and was sick of it. These kids were walking down the street with shovels offering people money to dig their cars out (I think I messed that up). Anyway, Jere told these kids he’d give them $50 if they dug his car out. “Shit yeah” was their approximate response. “Which one is it?”

Quote Of the Day 2/25/03

(Jere looks down the street)… “I have no idea”


Hope it wasn’t that one with 13 car-fulls of snow on it.

One down, 29 more to go,

Camden Cricket.

Still Standing Right Here…

A Canuck Valntine

A Canuck Valntine

Sorry I haven’t gotten to you guys in a week, but my keyboard was plowed in. :
HOLY LOW PRESSURE SYSTEM, BATMAN! That was just insane! I just kept looking out the window and it just kept coming. I went to bed and woke up and it was still snowing. I did the same thing again, and it was still snowing. Steph’s cousin and friend from Canada said they’ve never seen it snow for that long. They said when it snowed that much in Toronto last year, they had to call in the National Guard. Well, what else are they gonna do?
Meanwhile… back in Baltimore… I dug my car out Sunday afternoon and pretended I was going to drive it to school. After an hour and a half had gone by and I managed to get it out of the alley (we didn’t even have to dig it out yet) and into the gas station less than 40 feet from my front door, fishtailing, spinning wheels, dropping radiator fluid by the liter, rocking from 1st to reverse, 1st to reverse, we decided to pack it in, cut our losses and not risk my bald ass tires (no more illegal metal studs on this one) on any road where other cars may want to go anywhere at a rate faster than 40 feet per hour and a half. And so back in the alley I went. For a while.
I missed my annual Valentines Day bashing QOTD because of the snow and the fact that we were waiting for Steph’s cousin and friend who accidentally made a right at Harrisburg on their way down. But anyway, Geoff was asking me what I was doing for Valentine’s Day and I told him I was going out with Steph and her two Canuck friends to Luigi Petti for dinner…
Quote Of the Day 2/24/03

“Is that how Canadians celebrate, with a three on one?”

-American Geoff


Playing near the snow drift of tactlessness,
Snowed In Cricket.

Still Standing Right Here…

The Most Awkward Conversation Ever

The Most Awkward Conversation Ever

QOTD rapid fire:

OK, I run this program on campus in which I try to marry Rec Sports and Res Life in our intramurals. I award points for participation in every sport. I knew this one team was from Patapsco, but I didn’t know which hall (3rd South, etc.). So I called the front desk and after I fell over my words about 3 or 4 times, asked the girl (I think her name was Meghan) on the phone if she could tell me where this guy lived, but I didn’t really need to know his address, I just needed to know what hall he lived on.


So then I started explaining what I was doing with the whole Rec Sports/Res Life thing and in the middle of what was already the most uncomfortable conversation I’ve ever had…

Quote Of the Day 2/13/03

Me: “OK, wait. Let me explain myself. My name is Dustin and I work for the Rec Sports office -“
Girl: (cutting me off) “I know. I dated you for 7 months.”

Oh. THAT Megan.

Still trying to think of something else to say,


Rating Songs About Huge Women’s Backsides

Rating Songs About Huge Women’s Backsides

Baby Got Back (Sir Mix-a-Lot) – White, black, green, whatever color you are, this song is fuckin funny. It’s the apex of lyrical degradation of women before it took a sharp turn into the lyrics of today. Thought actually went into the song to come up with gems like “My anaconda don’t want none unless you got buns, hon” and “He had game but he chose to hit em; so I pull up quick to get wit em.” Funny stuff. And it’s still the best use of a whip in any song. A

Big Bottoms (Spinal Tap) – It still cracks me up that Rob Reiner made this mockumentary about a really stupid crappy rock band, and they manage to sell albums and go on tour and have a following. It’s a damn joke! The whole song is a parody, just like the movie, and a good one. “My baby fits me like a flesh tuxedo; i’d like to sink her with my pink torpedo.” It’s pretty funny, but it ain’t Sir-Mix-A-Lot. B

Back That Ass Up (Juvenile) – This is a good example of where rap lyrics have gone. “Youz a big fine woman, won’t you back that azz up.” The title of the song is really the only thing going for this song. Probably because nobody can understand another damn word the guy says. D

Fat Bottom Girls (Queen) – These guys had to be the inspiration for Spinal Tap. I still can’t believe they got away with recording for so many years. This was a real life farse of a music band. This song came out of nowhere too. But nobody blinked because it was Queen. Their name was Queen. Didn’t that tell anybody anything? “Left alone with big fat fatty, she was such a naughty lady, big big woman – you made a bad boy out of me.” It’s not quite Weird Al or Spinal Tap, but it bridges them to the rest of the music world. C-

Doin’ Da Butt (Cameo) – This is the one that started it all. One day, everybody was offended when you said they had a big ass. The next day, this song came out on the radio. All of a sudden, it was fashionable to have a lot of junk in the truck. Twiggy was dead and us white kids cried and cried when we realized what had happened years later. I was in middle school and the song kinda scared me because I wasn’t very comfortable with girls as it was and I don’t know that I liked telling them they had big ole butts. But the best part of the song is just that; that it lended itself to the “banana fanna fo fustin” song theory in that you could put anybody’s name in there. “Joey’s sister’s got a big ole butt, OH YEAH! Ms. Lattanze’s got a big ole butt, OH YEAH! Arnold Palmer’s got a big ole butt, OH YEAH!” And when you told people they had a big ole butt, it was in the third person, so it wasn’t as forcefully degrading. But it didn’t matter, because they just said “OH YEAH!” right back at you anyway. This song changed the world. It inadvertently opened the floodgates for streams of horribly degrading lyrics, but we’ll forgive it because the beat lends itself so easily to putting one’s backfield in motion. A+

I was trying to explain this 9 card poker game to a few freinds of mine to try to get them to play. I think I had a couple of them, but Erick had to go and resist saying that he thought the game sounded made up…

Quote Of the Day 2/11/03

“Well, aren’t all games made up?”


Apparently not.

Doin’ side bends and sit ups,

Sir Mix-Just-Barely-Enough.

Still Standing Right Here…