Rating Countries That Border The United States

Countries That Border The United States

Mexico - The most common thing that people have to say about Mexico is that you shouldn’t drink the water. Everytime you go on vacation. “Don’t drink the water.” Don’t drink the fucking water?! Are you serious? Can the Mexicans drink the water? I don’t think I could live in a place where I couldn’t drink the water. It’s a pretty important ingredient in every food I make. I think I might be able to survive in a country where it wasn’t a good idea to eat the maraschino cherries, but water? So unless you enjoy dysentery, I guess it’s not a great place to be. No wonder they’re all trying to flee across the border. D

Canada - I’m not even going to make a joke about Canada. They’ve all been done. I just checked, and every single Canadian joke has been done at least 250 times. So rather than flog a dead maple leaf, I’ll move on. C

New Jersey - I know it’s not a country, but I’d like to say something. I’ve been to New Jersey and it stinks. Literally. At least the half of New Jersey that wants to be Philly does. I haven’t heard great things about the half that wants to be New York either. But Trenton stinks. There’s a reason they call it the arm pit of America and it has nothing to do with geography. I wouldn’t drink the water from there either. F

Atlantic Ocean - Well, I know it’s not a country. It’s not even a land mass. But it is huge. And it does border the US. And did you know that it has the largest mountain range in the world in it? The largest mountain range is actually under the water in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean called the Mid-Atlantic Ridge. It comes complete with active volcanoes and everything and it’s all under seas level. Pretty neat, huh? But not quite neat enough to make you forget that it’s not really a country. F

Quote of the Day 6/11/02

“Why do they put Canadian bacon on Hawaiian pizza?”

-Megan O’Canadien

Turns out there was still one out there.

Blaming New Jersey,

Spastic Man.

Still Standing Right Here…

Spastic Man

Spastic Man

Well, sorry again, but my computer went on the IR again. But on the plus side, you guys seem to be getting more tolerant and understanding of the over-two-month lapses in the quote’s schedule. And you’re also a lot less surprised for some reason.

So hey. I just got back from visiting a few friends that moved out to Portland, OR (yes, I have friends that stupid). Actually, the place is really pretty. Lots of trees and grass and shit if you’re into that. No football team to speak of, but they do have cable if push comes to shove. They are only an hour away from Eugene which is just basically more pretty stuff. And then there’s the cold part of the Pacific Ocean. If I were Lewis, I would’ve ditched Clark and headed south for Sunset Boulevard. Lots more chicks in bikinis on roller skates and shit if you’re into that.

Joking aside, it was beautiful out there. 78 and breezy most of the time. And the “rain” they talk about it doing all the time out there is like the equivalent of spray coming off a trucks tire at you. It ain’t like east coast rain. Out here, when it rains, it poors. Hey! That phrase really does have a little merit to it. But anyway, I left there and flew into BWI at 6:31 at night. The pilot warned us, but I was hoping he was lying. Sure enough, it was 91 degrees and 85% humidity. I think I actually tripped over the air. It sucked. And I was jet lagged. Well, my normal sleep schedule usually gets me lagged about twice a week anyway, so that was easy to bounce back from. But I had to go to work the next day and everything. Man, I’m never going on vacation again.

On the plus side, while I was out there, I got a dose of self-realization. Not necessarily in the spiritual sense, but my friend’s wife pretty much put me in my place in the most exact way I think I’ve ever been described, word for word. I was trying to defend the point that I was relatively laid back when I’m not with Kevin, Joe and/or Mike. Kevin didn’t buy it. Tanis hasn’t known me since middle school, so she was more apt to believe…

Quote Of the Day 6/10/02

“Well, I guess you have the potential to not be this spastic all the time.”

-Tanis, holder of the whip

I have the “POTENTIAL”… not to be THIS spastic… ALL the time.

Portland’s newest superhero,

Spastic Man.

Still Standing Right Here…