Christmas CD Burnout

Christmas CD Burnout

Well, it’s 1:28 in the morning, I’m knee deep in burnt CDs, and I’m still stuck at the office after having been off the clock since 2 in the afternoon. I hope you all appreciate this. Actually, this would be going a lot faster if I could stop playing with amihotornot.com. I actually walk through malls shouting out “7″ and clicking on girls’ faces. This is a serious addiction. I need help. But anyway, the point is that I’m here and it’s late. I hope you all appreciate this because I’m not doing anything next year. Some people say I’m stressing too much. I agree with those people. Others say I shouldn’t have procrastinated this much. Those are the people I’m going to shoot with a gun. Not that I don’t have any Christmas spirit, but it seems like it coincides with when I have meals. What a total guy thing. My emotions can sway with the consumption of a pop tart. Get me food for Christmas. And if you bring it to me in the office now, I’ll give you next year off.

I went to a club with a few people last Thursday (which I could not go to tonight because of the impending holiday), and outside the door, there existed this guy yelling “If you’re over 21, get in this line… If you’re under 21, get in this line” as he pointed to 2 different lines. Aaron turned to me and said…

Quote Of the Day 12/21/00

“Well, what if you’re 21?”

-A-Rock

Well, Aaron had to leave.

Decking the halls with pop tarts,

The Extendinator.

Still Sledding Right Here…

The War Against Raw

The War Against Raw

Well, I’ve finally reached the point where I need to get this off of my chest. I had to do something no man should ever have to do in his own home last Monday. I actually had to watch football on the dryer. Has it gotten that bad now? Wrestling has claimed the lives of so many of my close friends. It’s sad. And it’s not just people like Russ. There are these allegedly intelligent people who refuse to go out or away from a TV with wrestling on it. They all jump up and root for their favorite wrestlers (which in this case usually means they have the coolest theme music) like it’s a sport. First of all, it’s not a sport. If I can get the results of the match on the internet days before it occurs, it’s not a sport. It’s a soap opera combined with a well choreographed dance routine. Obviously, when people hit the mat hard, they actually do hit the mat hard. I don’t deny that it’s a physical activity, much in the same way rhythm gymnastics is a physical activity. The counterargument to that is that there are also times in which they fall for no reason. You don’t see too much of that in football unless you’re watching the Redskins. (OK, now I’m just hitting below the belt). So if you don’t mind telling people you’re watching a dance, I guess that’s just your cup of tea.

I’m not arguing that the WWF aren’t marketing geniuses. After all, they managed to sell this product to so many freakin people across the nation. They rival the producers of The Blair Witch project in that area. And if you’ve seen an XFL commercial, you know what I’m talking about. For example, they made the people who are in favor of censorship and against Playboy and other such female exploiting magazines the bad guys. Meanwhile, they made the beer guzzling, violent for no reason, drops cars on people from 30 feet in the air asshole the hero. Parents must love this concept. Anyway, little things like that and big things like the fact that it’s all scripted out and just stupid in general that makes me not be able to stand it. The fact that I had to resort to watching Chris Carter make his 1000th career catch on the dryer on the little TV makes me hate it even more. I’m outvoted by both of my roommates now. And we entertained talk of having Mike move down here too! I think I’d break a TV or two before I had to move out. I suppose it has its superficial appeal. Seeing half naked guys roll around with each other on a canvas can appeal to some people. But if I want to see some guy hold another guys legs in the air in the spread eagle position, so that his partner can wiggle his tongue around and dive his mouth into the helpless victim’s crotch, I’ll go onto Russ’ computer and check out his Gay Pollock porn site bookmarks. I dunno. I guess I just don’t get it.

A while ago, Russ and I were talking about the names of intramural teams, and how both of us thought that the intramural football team “Beer” had the best name by far. I told him I was surprised that there weren’t to my knowledge any wrestling references in any of the team names. He offered this as counterpoint…

Quote Of the Day 12/18/00

“Well, that’s probably because most ‘real athletes’ don’t give wrestling the respect it deserves.”

-Russ “It Doesn’t Matter” Johnson

Mind you, I actually turned the Jets game off a while back for a bra and panties match, but that’s where I draw the line.

Laying down the smack,

The Pebble.

Still Standing Right Here…

Tony Toni Toe Knee

Tony Toni Toe Knee

Whatever I had planned on writing for this quote of the day has now been eclipsed by the fact that I just realized what time it is. So here’s an article from last week’s New York Times:

GORE CALLS FOR RECOUNT OF SUPREME COURT VOTE WASHINGTON, DC– An increasingly desperate Al Gore called for a recount Tuesday of the U.S. Supreme Court’s 9-0 decision in Bush v. Palm Beach County Canvassing Board. “There is reason to suspect that these nine votes were not properly counted and that as many as five justices who sided with Mr. Bush did not intend to do so,” Gore said. “It is therefore in the best interest of our democracy for the U.S. Supreme Court to suspend judgment in this case until we can be absolutely certain that this court did, in fact, intend to rule in Mr. Bush’s favor.” Gore added that if his recount request is denied, he will file an appeal with the Interplanetary Supreme Court.

Wait, did I say “New York Times?” I meant “The Onion.”


Quote Of the Day 12/7/00

“My only good knees are my toes.”

-Boss Man Gary

I didn’t know what he meant when he said it last year, but I think I can understand him now.

Meters to go before I sleep,

Meters to go before I sleep,

Screaming Frost.

Still Standing Right Here…

Rating American Time Zones

American Time Zones

Central – As time zones go in the US, this one is fairly acceptable. It’s the largest one in the country due in large part to Texas, but it does split the Dakotas and Nebraska in half with the Mountain Time Zone, which is pretty fucked up. B

Pacific – The Pacific time zone only takes up 4 states and a small part of Idaho. Very underachieving. It’s our smallest time zone and I think I know why. People have to wake up at like 8 in the morning on a Sunday to watch football. Who the hell wants to do that? And I was over in Portland during a Monday Night Football game and midway through the 4th quarter, it was still light out. I just couldn’t live like that. Then again, I wouldn’t need to stay up until 3am just to watch Moonlighting. C-

Eastern – This is obviously the dominant time zone in the country. Everything is “Eastern time.” 10:00 Eastern time, 8 eastern/7 central time, coming up except on the west coast… That’s another reason I don’t like the Pacific time zone. They always gotta be different. Also, “Eastern Time” has now turned commonly into “Eastern Standard Time,” further supporting that dominant time zone theory. A

Mountain – I’ve had my problems with this damn time zone in the past, and they were for very justified reasons. They just don’t care as much about times and schedules out there. They have states that just don’t feel like setting their clocks back or ahead ever. That can really fuck up a couple long distance travellers trying to pick up somebody’s sister from the airport. And I had to argue with Kevin for about 2 hours to finally convince him that there weren’t 5 time zones in the continental US. Stupid Arizona. D+

The Wadfather was down here for a little bit over Thanksgiving Break. Russ, Tony, and I had the fortune of dining with him at Rocky Run before he left again for Boston. He was telling us that we should come up to visit him sometime. He mentioned a Pub that he goes to a lot. They have a dollar draft happy hour and they have Guiness, Bass, Magic Hat 9, Resurrection…

Quote Of the Day 11/28/00

“You had me at Guiness.”

-Russ.

Don’t even get me started on the International Date Line.

Too tired to think,

Extendo.

Still Standing Right Here…

Why We Should Have a Queen

Why We Should Have a Queen

Well, they’ve finally reached a decision, and it looks like Bush is finally going to be our president. Oh, wait. No, they made the decision too quickly. This is now going in circles. It’s insane. I think the winner is going to be the one who doesn’t concede. Eventually, somebody’s going to just give up, and the other one will become president, and will most likely be hated for the crap they put the nation through to get in there. I wonder what other countries think of us. “Dumb American fucks. That’s why they should have a queen.” So now Gore is pleading that they should go through and count all the votes in Florida, and Bush is complaining that the Florida state law says that they’re not supposed to. And he’s right. What the hell kind of law is against counting all the votes? This is why I don’t vote. It’s very discouraging. So Gore wants all the votes to be counted because he’s losing. That’s natural. And Bush wants them to stick to their word, their law, and concede the presidential race to him because they didn’t count all the ballots in time. That stinks. I really don’t have a strong feeling about either of these guys, but for Bush to come across basically saying that the will of the US citizens is not as important as what the Florida law says makes him sound like a bunghole. How will Americans be able to support this guy after that? And the Gore campaign claims that if they counted the partially indented ballots, that he’d probably be winning now. I guess Democrats just aren’t as adept at punching holes. Whatever. I’m willing to bet that whoever it is that will finally be our president will only be there for one term. Unless of course, Dukakis runs again.

I went back home to spend this past weekend with some old friends in PA. As usually happens, we wound up playing this game which greatly resembles Scattegories, but instead of categories like “Boys name,” and “things that are black,” we have categories like “Bad pick up lines,” “stupid animals and an explanation why,” and “euphemisms for genitalia and/or sex.” Well, one of the categories was “Fake Onion Headlines,” and for those of you who don’t know, the Onion is a farce of a news magazine with articles both in print and online such as “Dallas Receiver Arrested For Failure To Possess Cocaine,” and “80 Billion Tons Of Jar Jar Merchandise Now 70 Percent Off.” Anyway, the letter was P and here was Good Joe’s Onion Headline…

Quote Of the Day 11/27/00

Presidential Race Finally Over, Bush To Become President For Remaining Year and a Half of Term

-Good Joe

It could happen.

Not necessarily the news,

Extendo.

Still Standing Right Here…