Bowling with Bloh

Actually, I don’t usually get that obsessed over superstars like I did about Britney Spears. I definitely don’t like her music, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen an interview with her to determine whether or not she’s a well-spoken would-be princess-in-law. I just think that there’s some sort of sweet little innocence about her that I want to ruin. Or maybe it’s the illegal boob job she claims to not have done just before her breasts grew 3 cup sizes.

I informed Mike and Good Joe that a friend of mine was going to meet us at the bowling alley. They asked what her name was…

Quote Of the Day 12/30/99

Me: “Her name is Kelly Bloh.”
Joe: “I’ve seen that movie.”

Get it? If not, e-mail Joe at goodjoe@nolife.org

Closing in on 2000,
X (Extendo).

Still Standing Right Here…

Finally Legal

Well, Britney Spears turned 18 on December 9th and I figured I had at least a month to figure out how I was going to make my move before she started dating royalty. Well, I saw her on E! with some dorky looking guy and I just assumed it was some dude from ‘N Sink or something. Nope. He’s the prince of England. I think I might have been able to woo her away from a wussy boy group popsicle, but the heir to any throne, especially England, is tough. Maybe Senegal or the Ivory Coast, if they have one, but not England. And the dude only gave me a two and a half week window. That’s just not enough time for a serf like myself. And Anna Kornikova has been going with that hockey guy since she was like 13 anyway. Natalie Portman has been 18 for almost half a year now, but she’s from Isreal. That’s almost like being royalty anyway. I guess I’ll just camp out on Kirsten Dunst’s doorstep until April 30th. And don’t let the fact that she is on the cover of a movie with another hot chick and the word “DICK” stamped across the middle of it give you the wrong idea. But damn, what a good marketing technique.

Quote Of the Day 12/29/99

Mike: “I actually like that Genie In a Bottle song.”
Me: “I like looking at Christina Aguilara.”
Mike: “That’s what I said. Weren’t you listening?”

Well, in that case, I guess I “liked” the Married With Children series.

Genie in a can,
X.

Still Standing Right Here…

Six 10-Bug Movie Reviews

Just for fun and cause I’m in the mood, 6 random 10+ bug movies…

sliding-doorsSliding Doors – Gwyneth Paltrow plays a hot British chick in a Twilight Zone type romance. How can I not give that one 10 bugs? Everyone does an excellent acting job, and the one-liners sound scripted by some excellent actual comedians. The film cuts back and forth between two realities, one in which she makes a subway and gets home in time to find her boyfriend cheating on her, and another in which she doesn’t make it into the subway on time. I normally think romances are too cheezy to merit a 10 bug rating, but this one throws in a carefully placed pinch of something resembling science fiction and a creative twist on what could have been an average, predictable ending. 10 1/2 bugs.

The Big Lebowski – Jeff Daniels and John Goodman play dead beat bowlers, who are the two best characters I’ve seen in a film probably ever. There are so many hilarious things about this movie, I don’t want to start to go into them. But the film’s merit can come from their dialogue and interaction alone. After you watch the movie 4 or 6 times, you start to notice it’s actually a very cleverly written murder mystery in the shape of a comedy, which is rare. But you needn’t follow the plot to enjoy this film. And Ann Jillian gets naked, in case you’re into that. 10 bugs.

Forrest Gump – OK. We’ve all seen it. I wouldn’t normally pick such a front-runner, but I loved this film. Robert Zemeckis did an excellent job directing this film, down to the wedding scene in which everyone was seated except one individual, Lt. Dan (who had no legs). I’ll forgive him the 3-point line in the gym when Forrest was delivered his release papers. 10 bugs.

outbreakOutbreak – Dustin Hoffman and Cuba Gooding Jr play army men whose job it is to find viruses and kill them before they kill society. Well, one such virus arises and threatens to do that exact thing. Dustin, Cuba, Morgan Freeman, Donald Sutherland, Kevin Spacey, and Rene Russo do an excellent job of making the writer’s characters very believable and their actions congruent with the excellently scripted plot. Lots of action, lots of thought-provoking drama, and a little bit of funny when needed. 10 bugs.

Back To the Future Series – Well, I couldn’t go without mentioning this series. Now I never got into Star Wars and Indiana Jones comes pretty close, but I just love the whole concept that they got away with here. I think the first one is the movie that I’ve watched most in my lifetime, in case that ever comes up in conversation. When you watch the series enough, you begin to see how it starts to make fun of itself and just has fun. I know I mentioned Jeff Bridges and John Goodman earlier, but in retrospect, I don’t think anyone will come close to Doc’s character. The series isn’t without its flaws (though I’ll challenge anyone who thinks they’ve found a plot inconsistency), but I cannot give it less than a 10-bug rating because of the history I have with it. 10 bugs.

Beautiful Girls – I originally didn’t want to watch this movie because it had a stupid title in my opinion. It still does, but now that I’ve seen it, I have a lot more to base my decision on. This film is probably closer to a documentary about my life than American Pie. A high school reunion brings a long lost friend back to the old neighborhood and the first thing they start talking about is chicks. This film addresses relationships like Parenthood addressed family matters. And all through it, the guys always remain inseparable friends. This also started my love affair with Natalie Portman, who plays an unusually mature 13-yr old who confuses Timothy Hutton in his current relationship. No comments, please. 10 bugs.

I was sitting around at Mike’s a few nights ago, and during a card game, he decided to try to cut open a dented ping-pong ball with a serrated knife in his hands…

Quote Of the Day 12/28/99

“Somebody dial 9-1.”
-Mikey

At least he was planning ahead for his stupidity. That’s learning on some level.

Crushing ice,
Blender Man.

Still Standing Right Here…

Ice Crushing Power and Calling Cards

Well, I got that blender I wanted. My uncle gave it to me on Sunday just to rub it in. So yes, I’m officially old. Again. My birthday is coming up on Saturday. If anybody out there was thinking of getting me any gifts, some jumper cables and a 2 pint sauce pan would be nice. Also, I wanted to make sure Tony hadn’t also gotten a blender because that would make mine obsolete. He answered that by asking the question “How many times have you seen me make a power shake?” Upon being prompted like that, I think the answer is somewhere around 5, but the point was well made. Apparently we already have one that I had just never been formally introduced to. Or should I say we have one to which I had never been formally introduced? And it hides on a shelf that isn’t directly between the refrigerator and the microwave. But mine has “ice crushing power” in case that ever comes in handy. I also asked if he had an extra humidifier. His answer was actually yes. Remind me to take inventory before I make next year’s Christmas list. You don’t have a blowtorch too, do you?

Well, my aunt got a great discount on a prepaid calling card, so she got them for the entire family. My dad was the first to use his to prove that it works. He called back home form Atlantic City to let my mom know that he was going to be staying later than he had anticipated. He’s a good kid, isn’t he? Anyway, he talked for a bit, bullshitted about how he was doing and a hand of 5 card draw he should have won and then broke it off…

Quote Of the Day 12/27/99

“Well, I better go. I only have 7 hours and 55 minutes left on this thing.”
-y2dad.

Asking for money again,
y2extendo.

Still Standing Right Here…

Merry ______ and Happy Non-stick Tape

Well, Merry Merry (fill in appropriate holiday) to all of you out there. I hope your (appropriate holiday) was just as (fun/God-worshipping/ I didn’t drop a piece of ham on my blouse again (circle one)) as mine. I trust your family was just as (excited to see you/fun to be around/thank God Uncle Louie didn’t show up drunk again) as mine and that they got you (exactly everything you wanted/more stupid socks/the same CD they got you last year). I really enjoyed seeing my family, but I think my favorite part of my break was seeing friends that (I haven’t seen since high school/I never liked in the first place/aren’t getting as good grades or as much money as me/all of the above). At any rate, I need to go now, but I hope you had a happy (appropriate holiday) and I hope that y2k doesn’t (crash your PC/shut off your water supply/stop the rotational inertia of
the earth).

Also, I think I’m officially old. You can dress it up with fancy words like “maturing,” but I’m old, one way or another. I used to ask for toys for Christmas way back in the day. Eventually, I outgrew toys and just wanted the money to figure out something to get on my own free will. I’d wager to say that most of that money went toward film and food. Then I graduated from the money and I wanted clothes. Something to look good in that didn’t require my inept sense of fashion to pick out. Also, if I had enough clothes to wear, I couldn’t really justify to myself to buy clothes, so I needed Christmas to supply me for the entire year. Now I’ve gone passed even stuff as boring as clothes to ask for miniature appliances. I asked for stuff like a humidifier and blender. My ‘rents supplied me with the humidifier. So now I’ll be able to breathe again at night. Sometimes you just gotta sacrifice excitement for practicality.

My sister got a blow torch. I’m not kidding.

I was helping my sister wrap presents on Christmas Eve and I happened to glance at her roll of masking tape. It was seriously discolored from the normal yellowness of it. It looked like it had been there from back when I lived there 8 years ago. I looked at her like she was crazy for planning on wrapping anything using that stuff and commented on how old that stuff looked…

Quote Of the Day 12/25/99

“I don’t think it’s that old, I just think it’s a special kind of masking tape. Like the kind that isn’t supposed to stick to anything.”
-Char (Littlesisaclaus)

I think they make that already. They call it paper.

Ho-Ho and Ding-Dong,
Coachaclaus.

Still Standing Right Here…