Shoe Spam

Well, it’s Sunday, which means I’ve finally gotten around to last Thursday’s quote. And it’s gonna be good. Really funny. One of your favorite QOTD personalities. But first, I must speak out about this weekend’s events. First of all, I was unaware of the going on with the spam and such because my address was taken off TButz1212’s initial list. I would also like to say that I don’t even know who TButz is. His address is not on my quote list, so it could be anybody. I’m going to assume that it’s somebody who didn’t know any better as opposed to somebody who developed an anonymous name to try to infiltrate my list. I figure that it’s somebody who has an AOL address also and just copied the addresses over from their umbc or whatever account, which is why mine wasn’t on there. And a mistake like that could cost you $268, you know. Which brings me to another point. You aren’t getting any money. I’ll be the bearer of bad news. Microsoft will not track that e-mail. And the e-mail doesn’t even say anything. It doesn’t tell you to use Internet Explorer or Win 98 or anything. But hey, if I thought I’d get $231 for every person I sent that e-mail to, I guess I’d have done the same thing. It’s worth mildly pissing off 150 or so people to get $256,903. But it’s not going to happen. If you get that check, feel free to e-mail me and tell me I’m a dumb asshole if you so choose. But until then, my suggestion to you would be to create 10 other e-mail addresses and just perpetually e-mail that message back and forth to yourself and hope they don’t catch on. But they’re probably smarter than that. And before I do the quote, I have one last thing. I think the reason I was most annoyed by the last messages is due to my new philosophy of the internet. See, I got me 100 gigabytes of ram. I never feed trolls and I don’t read spam. Installed a 2-1 line in my house. I’m always at my PC double clickin on my mizz-ouse. Upgrade my system at least twice a day. I’m strictly plug and play, I ain’t afraid of Y2K. I’m down with Bill Gates, I call him money for short. I phone him up at home and I make him do my tech support. It’s all about the pentiums…

Anyway, I was walking with Tony, my roomie, and I took notice of his sneakers. They were new and really funky looking. Like the design went all over the shoe, appeared to leave the actual shoe, and come back on the other one unscathed. While he walked and everything. Anyway, I told him that his shoes looked new… and complicated…

Quote Of the Day 10/21/99

“Not really. They still use laces. There’s no password or anything.”
-Tone-Def

I’m gonna go spam his shoes while he sleeps tonight.

Wastin time with all the chat room yackers,
The Extendinator.

Still Standing Right Here…

Rating Band Names of the 90s

Smash Mouth – Maybe I’ve become desensitized to it because I’ve heard the name so much now and all I think about is their good throwback to the 70s style of music, but the two words “Smash” and “Mouth” when put back to back portray a very violent image and make me cringe if I think about it too long. Think about it… Smash Mouth! Hurts, doesn’t it? Too much unnecessary violence for a nice, white collar straight rock band. C

Cherry Poppin Daddies – I gotta give props to anybody willing to go out there and say “Hey, we’re in it for the sex.” I don’t know what else “Cherry Poppin” could refer to, but I doubt that we’d even let that name slide by in our intramural floor hockey league. A-

Toad the Wet Sprocket – This is a decision they openly regret. They needed a name and they had just seen a Monty Python name by the same name and thought, “hey, that’s awesome.” So it’s partly a tribute to fine British comedy, and partly a marijuana-induced mistake. It also takes too long to say. C-

Backstreet Boys – They hit every nail on the head here. First of all, “Backstreet” is more general and unthreatening than “Inner City” and can therefore appeal to the suburban crowd too. Secondly, “Boys” is cuter and more harmonious as a word alone than “Men.” Also, they appeal more to the boys than the men of the suburban/urban world. And when you couple the words together, you get this fun alliteration indicative of their style of music. “Backstreet Boys.” See. A+

Puff Daddy – This gangsta rapper, Sean Combs, got his nickname “Puffy” while playing football at Howard U. He was the skinniest kid on the football team and would puff his chest out to look bigger. He named himself Puff Daddy as a tribute to his son. Kinda gives the guy a different image, doesn’t it? A

Sixpense None the Richer – Takes even longer to say than Toad the Wet Sprocket. And it sounds like they’re trying too hard to be cool. D

Stryker, Geoff, and I went to Subway the other day for lunch and when prompted by the lady behind the counter asking what type of cheese Geoff wanted on his sub…

Quote Of the Day 10/19/99

Geoff: “I like my cheese like I like my women. White American.”

I always preferred Easy Cheese.

Smashing Mouths,
Toad the Wet Cricket.

Still Standing Right Here…

The Magic Shower

I’ve just recently come to realize that I plan my sleep schedule and my entire day around a magic shower. I’ll hit the snooze alarm a few extra times knowing that I can just hop in my magic shower and everything will be OK. In this magic shower, not only do I become clean and closely shaven, but I magically wake up entirely, completely independent of how much sleep I had gotten the night before. Sometimes I even lose that morning hunger feeling like I had just eaten a French Slam at Denny’s with their one-of-a-kind hash browns. And the greatest thing about this shower is that it only takes 3-4 minutes. And that includes undressing, dressing, shaving, aftershaving, the walk to my car, and sometimes even another small nap. Occasionally, this magic shower will actually transport me back in time if I had hit the snooze alarm for an extra hour or two prior to the shower. So this is what I expect out of my morning shower when I decide what time to set my alarm for and how many times I can afford to hit the snooze button. Needless to say, I’m late a lot.

I’ll spare the context that surrounded this quote because it would be too difficult to convey over e-mail, or in any other media for that matter. But let it be known that Tony said something that was misheard as something to the effect of him showering with Gary, my boss…

Quote Of the Day 10/18/99

Me: “You showered with my boss?!?!?”
Tony: “Well… I was dirty.”

I hope Proznik can learn from this example.

Dirty, hungry, tired, and late,
Shower Boy.

Still Standing Right Here…

Review of Fight Club

fightclubI have fully decided that one of the greatest things to bring into a movie is the complete lack of knowledge of anything about it. I heard about the movie Fight Club about 4 hours before I went to see it. Tony told me Stryker said it was really good and Brad Pitt and Ed Norton were in it. That’s about all I knew about it going into the theater. Well, here’s what I have to say about it without being a hyppocrit and blurting out any important details to you (I’m assuming about 95% of you haven’t seen it) to make you enjoy it less: The very first scene put a giddy excited smile on my face and it stuck there through the whole movie and about an hour or so afterward. The first half hour was an almost completely first person narration with an anything goes directing philosophy that came across like a tidal wave of sarcastic cynicism and well-timed anarchy. Every shot had me surpressing laughter as to not A) disturb the loads of other people in the theater, and B) look like a 12-year-old girl at a Back Street Boys concert. David Fincher, who also directed Seven and The Game, took his own methods of manipulation and exploitation and exploited and manipulated them, exposing them to the audience to draw attention to the filmmaking process, which makes it even cooler for me, being an ex-film student and all. Even if you guys don’t know what I’m talking about, you’ll come out of it thinking, “that was neat!”
After the film had established its character (a wimpy Cameron from Ferris Bueller type character), it started in with the plot, which was basically that Ed Norton (Cameron) meets this guy on a plane (Brad Pitt) and they start this underground testosterone party called the Fight Club where guys beat the crap out of each other to feel manly. But it turns into much more than that. You follow the characters through their changes and find yourself agreeing with things you wouldn’t normally agree with. Then the last half hour happens. There are some over the top gore scenes that might scare you away if they ever show that as part of the preview, but don’t pay attention to them if you’re not into that kind of stuff. The entire film had an important plot twist every 2-3 minutes which kept me on my seat constantly. This last half hour though, really made the film happen. All the freaky time-lapse and slow motion shots with the strategically placed bouts of subliminality come together and grow tenfold both in number and importance. Formalism is the relation of form to content, and Fincher took the last half hour of that script and found the exact way to convey it on the screen. You especially notice this crap when you actually try to do it, which I did once. But his direction was phenominal and it earned the film all 10 bugs and an additional half of a partially swallowed bug. It’s that good folks, trust me.

When making fun of clever people, it is important to have a second comeback to their first comeback. I wasn’t prepared for this one. I made fun of Jeff Horton during that same game of beer pong he was losing…

Quote Of the Day 10/15/99

“Hey. Why don’t you just go do a split or puke on my carpet or something.”
-Jeff Horton

Hearing Whos,
Dr. Moose.

Still Standing Right Here…

Volleybeatdown

Well, our mens volleyball club team had their first scrimmage of the year. And what better team to start with than the ex-UMBC men’s volleyball all stars? At least the ones that are still allowed on campus. Every single one of these guys were on the mens team when they were ranked #1 in the nation one year or another. And these happened to be all the nicer guys. Like the ones that didn’t get in that drunken knife fight on campus last February. Well, we have a deal worked out with these guys. They are playing in a USVBA club team (high level volleyball competition) and they need gym time because they no longer get free time like us college kids. And we need guidance and I could use a little help coaching the middle blockers and setters. Plus, a scrimmage against really good people is going to help us out a lot. Anyway, we grant them free gym time if they promise to talk to us afterward and help us out a little bit. Translation…

Quote Of the Day 10/14/99

“So they’re gonna come kick our ass and then they’re gonna tell us how they did it.”
-White Tony

Cool thing is that we actually beat them. Looks like a certain group of 6 people underestimated a certain other group of 6 people. And their coach.

Love, pink hats, and volleyballs,
Mr. Coach.

Still Standing Right Here…